So I am going to share something very personal with you...all 9 of you who follow this blog. I have a horrible mouth. Horrible because of all the swears that pour out, but also horrible because of the severe bone loss in my gums.
I have been dealing with, ignoring, and then dealing with this for over, what, 20 years?! (older now)
To date, I have no upper teeth any more and only 8 left on the bottom. You name it, I have had it done...deep scaling, root canals, pulled teeth (4 while pregnant and under very little numbing,) bone grafts, deep scaling, gum tissue grafts...I have more cow and pig bone in my mouth than Dreamland BBQ serves on Friday night.
To add insult to injury, I am hard to numb and Novocain starts to wear off after about 30 minutes.
My periodontist does not even mention if I have cavities...what is the point? We are gonna probably pull that tooth eventually. HA HA HA HA cough.
I have grown to accept this. Sure, I take a lot of valium before I go in for a visit. I know that there is no appointment where I will not be told more bad news. It sucks and it hurts and yes it is like being in my own personal horror movie 3 to 4 times a year. No, they won't put me to sleep so I am aware of everything that happens.
For a while I was really embarrassed. Even though my dentist says it is mostly genetic, I couldn't help but think of this...
Here is genuinely the worst part. What do you eat after surgery? Some times I can only eat on one side of my mouth or only soft things...but this is usually for 3 to 4 days. Choices usually run from Jello to pudding to mashed potatoes to baked chicken cut up really small plus a nice soup. I can handle this. Who doesn't want to lose ten pounds...4 times a year.
But this time...this time it is brutal. I just got through with prepping my mouth for a full top implant. 3 hours of surgery, including such hits as drilling and hammering...HAMMERING! Did I mention i was AWAKE! CIA operatives have nothing on me. There is no secret I will ever tell. Hammering not bad enough? No, I can't wear my top teeth for two weeks (i'll wait for all grandma jokes to simmer down).
So for 2 weeks I need to eat...like an anaconda. Swallowing whatever I can whole.
Let me tell you about soft foods. They come in 3 flavors. White, pink, or brown. Barf.
"Hey Biz, how about ice cream! Yum! Ice cream all day and night! Ice cream for dinner!! High fives!"
I am not 5 and even a 5 year old knows she needs more sustenance than ice cream. Plus, what red wine can I pair with ice cream?
It has been one week and I have one more to go. I am over pudding, jello, ice cream, mashed potatoes, smoothies and Ensure. I NEED HELP!
What can I eat? Tell me!
I don't need main courses. I have that. Risotto, soups, red beans and rice, etc. You need ideas for main courses, I got you covered.
I need snack ideas.
Right now I have roasted tomatoes, goat cheese on torn up Wonderbread (jealous yet?), baked potato with salsa, pumpkin pie, and...that is it.
I was just thinking a good BBQ sauce with white bread for dipping.
It needs to be soft and easy to make small and easy to swallow. Preferably something fast and savory.
PS. If you came across this because there is nothing out there for people like you, know that there are people like you...me. If you are young and have major dental issues, I have your back.
Or as I like to call it "let's try to stay married through this project!"
So here are all the pieces, obviously organized for ease of set up.
Here is my husband...confidence radiating from him...instructions in hand.
(awkward cough, cough)
Here is where the house will go.
Stefan with my power tools. I know, I should say ours, but I am sort of a jerk who clings to anything that is mine because someone might take it and never give it back or claim glory with it when it was mine!!! (second child syndrome. It may be time to go back to therapy.)
We get the base assembled with great ease and then came the entryway cobble stone that holds the 2 sides together. Take a good look at this piece. It looks innocent enough but almost ended our marriage.
After we got past that step, I got us both beers and yelled out encouraging "way to go's" and took pictures of snails that were suddenly appearing everywhere while he worked on the house.
"You are doing great Stefan!"
"Wow, it is like that drill is part of you! You are some sort of house building god!"
"That is really difficult what you are doing. I could never do that. You are good at tools and stuff."
I decided to step in and assemble the "grill". This meant to put stickers on the plastic grill.
"I am going to ruin this!"
"Phew. I did it. Katy Belle will now be successful because I didn't ruin this."
Almost done, but of course this was when Katy Belle woke up from her nap.
So not seen here is me coming out while she ate lunch with Stefan and assembled the roof, fence and mailbox.
"Go me. You are great at prying that roof apart and jamming it on the house!"
"Who cares that there are 2 screws missing? No one will ever know...until Katy Belle steps on one and has to get her first tetanus shot and winds up in therapy or on the streets years later because of your neglect in keeping the screws together."
Not me! I made some things I am calling tea towels but Etsy still isn't beating down my door.
In my usual fashion of "I want to make that and not read anything about it or put in too much effort doing 'it right the first time,'" I took a stab at tea towels.
(Love saying tea towels.)
I had an old linen bed sheet that I wasn't ever going to use on the bed anymore (I am a bedding fanatic and that sheet was long gone out of rotation) but I had kept it around because of my new sewing passion.
Me: I am going to make some tea towels out of this shit! High five!
Baby: Who cares. What is a high five?
In new Mom time, five months later, I pulled out the linen.
Here is the thing about linen...very hard to cut or sew straight. It has a lot of movement, which is polite for "why can't I cut a straight line in this sack of shi..."
I also decided this was a great time to take my first run at embroidery.
What I am about to show you is shot just far enough away and folded just enough that you can't see all my beautiful fails...or the fact that the two tea towels are not remotely the same size.
Ok, you can tell they are not the same size. Yes, tea towel 2 did not get the same attention as the embroidered tea towel. It got the rick rack attack!
Also, what the heck linen! You are impossible to iron!!! You are my nemesis!
I am pretty pleased with the embroidery. It is going to look amazing scrubbing chili out of a pot.
In addition, I have been making felt, flower hair clips for Katy Belle who has no interest in them...like she has no interest in all my crafts I force upon her. My husband, however, looks lovely.
...next week, 2 days after my worst round of dental surgery yet...I will be happy I am not in a Ford Focus.
I was watching a few episodes of Supernatural on the WB website recently (we got rid of cable a while ago for savings and are very happy watching TV via computer through our TV) and they run THIS ad too many times...sometimes back to back!
Dear driver, your diaper is showing.
This makes me so angry. I am not sure why...oh I know why...just one more skill we can unlearn, making ourselves all the more perfect for our computer or alien or Jesus overlords when the end of the world happens.
When the shit hits the fan, I want to be in this...
Remember, there is no self parking on judgement day.
I am gardening. Watch out! Since I take the same approach to gardening that I do to crafting (start reading instructions and then stop saying to myself "I got this.) there is a good chance none of these will survive the month.
I bought already started plants from Burpee.com. So here we have a variety of tomatoes (see note), 2 pepper plants and STRAWBERRIES!
Note: I have no idea what tomatoes I am growing. I forgot I had ordered the variety pack and threw out all but 1 of the tags that identify the plants. I know for sure that one is cherry tomatoes. Otherwise, who knows!
Then I started an herb garden from seeds. This project I did not have as much hope for but hot damn I got a growth!
So I will see you in a few months with my bounty and a LOT of jam and canned items.
Despite how much I would like to be sarcastic about this, I am having a great time.