As I have mentioned in previous posts on commercials, we watch most of our TV shows online. This means that when I watch the Daily Show or Colbert Report, I see the same commercial over and over.
For example, the Daily Show seems to advertise to 18 - 35 year old man children. You get up to 3 commercials for different products like trucks or video games, and you see those ads at least 4 times each during the program. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you get the same one back to back. Seriously.
To the ad seller's credit who has bought this weird time block, I do know your product!
Sadly, I HATE IT NOW!!!!!
Here is the one I currently loathe.
I did not start out hating it. The hate came after seeing in over 52 times in 7 days.
1. Who are these assholes who happen to be friends and bank at the same bank and all have the same instant pay on their phone?
2. What did they eat or drink? Look at the table? There are some water glasses and coffee cups, oh and CLEAN PLATES. Yell! Yell! Yell!
3. I really hate the wife of the guy who wants to pay in cash because she is all "I'll show you how later honey." If they are married she probably knows he doesn't have this APP and yet she didn't suggest that he get it before they go to dinner and wait a second, why doesn't she just pay his way? It just seems like some sort of set up to make her husband look like a jerk in front of their friends. To him, "Don't worry honey!" To everyone else, "Can you believe how STUPID he is!"
4. They are all dead. I mean it it. Where are they? It is a table in an empty room filled with light. You don't need food. You all have money in your account and you all have the same APP to give that money to each other. Only the one jerk doesn't have it, and he is also dead, but this is probably his hell.
Its time for the Pony wrap up of BIZ AND STEFAN RUIN THE SLEEP OF PARK SLOPE CHILDREN: YEAR OF THE MUMMY EDITION!
Dashing aren't I?
So for those of you who are not aware of what Stefan and I have been up to the last 6 Halloweens, here is a link to last year which is filled with links to the past years and is a very enjoyable read as well.
The idea for this year was that we would build a tomb and Stefan would be a mummy and I would get to be Brendan Frasier. (dreamy)
As this would be our last year in Park Slope before heading West, we wanted to make it good. Good means lots of styrofoam and spray paint...LUNGS BE DAMNED!
Time to get started.
Time to get started who?
We find the best place to use a hand held jigsaw to slice through styrofoam is on the washing machine. First ignore the pesky water lines to the washing machine that may get in your way and measure once, twice and to hell with it...there is no way this is gonna line up.
You know why this looks level? Because the floor slants at a 2 inch angle.
(very scary Stefan.)
This is the scariest part...I AM RIPPING UP ONE OF MY FAVORITE WHITE SHEETS! AHHHHHHHHHH!
Actually, it had a few holes in it thanks to the spooky cats of...ummm...our apartment. woooooo!
Styrofoam is the best for fake building structures. You can etch whatever you want into it and shape it however you want. I have worked with it in a few theatre productions over the years but this was Stefan's first STAB at it and he was of course a natural.
Stefan had bought some spray paint that supposedly sprays on like sand...whatever that means...and it did work some to make the structure look like stone, but it ran out after only 2 walls.
So Stefan got a few cans of beige spray paint and thanks to the miracle of science, the stuff not only turned the blue styrofoam beige, it also ate into it like Alien blood through a space station.
(Looking safe in that mask Stefan....uh ha, ha, ha...cough...cough...COUGH! GASP!)
To hell with throw pillows and stuffed animals Katy Belle will never play with...let's make a mummy!
I am so domestic.
Once again, I have committed to making something I have never made before. This is in line with all our Halloweens, but I have never made anything like a mummy costume before...and after you see it we may decide I still haven't "made" a mummy costume, but like all my sewing projects, I love to just try whatever pops into my head. I figured I would just sew 3 strips together and then take each of these 3strip strips and wrap Stefan up and use the amazing self adhesive velcro strips that I keep a stash of (thank you sketch comedy background).
Are you ready?
Who is there?
I have no idea.
I have no idea who?
Why are you asking me? I seriously don't know who or what the hell this is.
How about now?
Now lets get this set up...somehow...in really windy weather, on un-level ground.
You know what holds up unstable tombs? Toddlers.
That is the basic set up. Once it got dark we had spooky music, lanterns and sand.
Oh, and we had this guy...
We also had the CUTEST PUMPKIN EVER!
That is Penny Ruth Zalben and she was very brave in her dealings with the mummy. Of course what sort of Mama would I be if I didn't mention the cutest cat in the world and her first lollipop!
I call that video "Happiness." Man, everyday it just gets better and better...just like it does with this guy.
"Hello adventurers! Are you brave enough to help me explore the tomb of the Pharaoh Stefankamen? He was the most evil Pharaoh in all of Egypt who stole the candy from his people and was even buried with it so that only he could have it in this life and the afterlife! But I have found his tomb and I don't believe in curses or mummies, do you? I believe the tomb is full of candy. Who is brave enough to help me?"
Candy is scattered about coming out of the tomb entrance. (Ignore my adventure wine. This photo is out of sequence I promise , just look at the candy. LOOK AWAY FROM THE WINE!)
"LOOK! There is candy coming out of the tomb! Go! Claim your riches!"
Man, do I love Halloween. Look at the that. I'll wait while you bask in the screams of those children.
Now every year I worry we have gone to far...I really think you should go see the earlier posts....and every year I am reminded that people of all ages LOVE to be scared.
Take this 3 year old in a dinosaur costume. He grinned throughout the entire thing and when Stefan revealed himself, the dinosaur said "Hi Mummy!" in the cheeriest voice ever. He's eyes lit up and he even stopped by later to say goodnight. It was like Stefan was Elmo. He didn't know it was fake, it was just something he liked.
Now take this group of jaded, "too cool for school" teens. "Are you brave enough to enter the tomb of Stefankamen?"
Quick side note...there are a lot of ways to screw up that line and make it sound super creepy when said to teens. "Do you want to come inside and have some candy?" "Do you want to see the mummy? Just step inside here, sexy Minnie Mouse." "There is candy inside this room we made."
Now I just do my schpeal...
....even sullen teenagers! Huzzah!
Now this little cowgirl was very brave but did not want to go up and see the mummy, but she was so polite the entire time. For every question, "Do you want to see the mummy?" or "Do you want the mummy to wave at you?" was met with a "No thank you." "How about some candy from my adventurer bag?" (I know sounds creepy)
"No thank you."
Do you actually want to hear some screams? How about see a REALLY sullen teen be totally unimpressed? HORRIFYING!
So as I mentioned above, this is our last year in Park Slope before we move to California, which means this is our last Halloween here. Next to our family and friends who are here, I think I will miss this most. We don't get a big crowd, but we do get repeat visitors. Some of these kids started out 2 and 3 years old and are now 7 and 8. When October 1st hits, we start getting asked "what are you going to do this year." We hear comments about people's kids talking about this all year. One of my favorites was a mom and her 6 year old who explained that if we weren't set up by the time they got back from the parade "we go home and get our pajamas on and then come back!"
A lot of last night was just hanging out talking with some of these kids...the ones who were now 10, 11, and 12 years old...and explaining that we were moving and this was the last year. They weren't very happy to hear that but I suggested that they pick up where we left off and create there own Halloween trickery for the street. Two of them (featured in the above video) were taken back by the idea that they could do it and then there was a spark of interest that took over the doubt. Their normally non-smiling grandma even said "Why not?"
Man, how awesome would that be. I'll tell you. It would be very awesome. I know that Stefan and I started doing this because of the people who scared us as kids.
Regardless, this is not the end. By this time next year we may have a real house with a real yard and a real garage for set building. We will have a whole new group of old friends to help and hang out. Even better, we will have a whole new group of kids and parents who have never seen any of it and hopefully don't read this blog. I vote for "My brother Brian was bad and took all the candy. Let's look in this trunk and get the candy." (you better go back and read that old post)
A special thank you to our friends who joined us on the stoop. We will miss you.
Now, enjoy pictures of people having a good time....and I do mean me and Stefan.
(there is a bonus video if you make it to the end)