My boring meeting

OK...So in order to ingratiate myself more with my boss at my day job, I sat in on his staff meeting for the first hour, in which I could gain insight into the business unit that I work for. See I am an assistant, meaning I don't want to be involved very deeply in the company...this is a paycheck, etc....but my boss has been acting weird and I don't want to get fired so I went. These were the notes that I wrote down during the meeting.

(actual thought / daydream)

Boss: Elizabeth, is there something wrong?

Me: Yes, I want to kill myself. Wait, I don't need to because you are killing me...in fact I am dying right now. I can feel my life force being sucked from me like the last sip of Dr. Pepper from the bottom of a cup on a hot day by a overheated fat kid. If my soul was a person, you have just slit it's throat.

(ok, out of daydream and just what i was thinking)

Oh god this is so boring.

Is anyone enjoying this. Is anyone in here like "Awesome, I always wanted to sit and listen to someone in a monotone voice drone on and on!"

"blah blah attractive growth rates will blah blah new product development blah blah increased accountability and differentiation of blah blah..."

I should have had sex this morning.

Hey, doesn't matter if its yellow, white, cream, blue, whatever...its the same mother fucking shirt. I can't believe your wife wants to sleep with someone so boring.

I can't live like this.