Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Been a long time, been a long time...

Oh jeez. Oh yes. Hello. Oh my...

If you're still out there, I hope it's been the kind of absence that makes the heart grow fonder and not the kind of absence that makes the heart say: "Ah, nuts. Forget you!.."

There have been all kinds of busy going on. I'll fill you in on the West Coast version.

1. Pregnancy.
This has been a source for reasons why I haven't posted anything. The first reason is because I didn't want to just talk about being pregnant. A while back I set up a separate blog specifically for going off about how rad it is to be pregnant - but haven't even posted anything because I felt like writing about it one day and just didn't the next. I'll get it all down sometime, as I really do want to write about it (perhaps on lots of cocktail napkins at some point) but at the time, I felt like my old boss at the record store I worked at years ago; he used to talk about how he once saw all members of Journey at a San Francisco TCBY Yogurt...and he'd only speak of that for hours at any given time. Maybe that's the secret. Maybe I should just talk about how Journey goes batshit for frozen yogurt anytime anyone asks how the pregnancy is going: "Hey, when are you due?" "Did you know that Steve Perry used to mix peanut butter frozen yogurt with blackberry? He said it was like eating a freezing cold PB & J sandwich!...Wheel in the sky keeps on turrrr-niiiiiiin'..." And then they'd walk away.

The second reason why pregnancy has kind of made me not so eager in the sharing department is because my husband and I had a brief scare recently and the very last thing I wanted to do was write about it in a hilarious blog post. All I need to say is that everything is great now, we are incredibly lucky and our daughter (who at 26 weeks is nesting in my body like a tiny monkey/puppy hybrid...this is how I picture her. And she's wearing a fez) IS WONDERFUL. I'm having a close eye kept on me (as the "Vessel") but as for the actual Cargo - Ted and I couldn't ask for anything more. We can't wait to meet her. She is already my favorite person in the whole world and Ted and I are her biggest fans. Not a day goes by without feeling so thankful for how lucky we are. So there you go.

2. You know when so much happens it's overwhelming and you try to simplify but ARG!
I hope this explains a lot. The dance card is pretty full right now.

I'm going to catch you up a little bit and yes, I'm going to talk some about the pregnancy. Because it's the weirdest thing I've ever experienced so far. And the coolest. And I miss you, Pony enthusiast(s?).

The vital stats for now are that I'm six months along and I've got three months to go. I'm starting to waddle and it's funny. If I drop something (like keys or bananas) on the ground, I can hardly pick it up... and I'm not really that big. I'm big for me, but from the back and head on you'd never guess that a person was wiggling emphatically inside of me. I look like a cartoon or a Women's Restroom icon; skinny legs, gigantic tummy, skinny everything else. This tummy gets in the way, makes me smile, annoys me at times and is my whole universe.

A lifelong acne battler, I thought that my skin would break out constantly, but it's actually currently my best feature. I thought my hair would cascade in silky prenatal vitamin crowning follicle glory, but it's like the discount-grade straw you'd get a horse you don't really like for his birthday. I have dark hair roots to rival the trashiest of Kansas area convicted 15 year-old boyfriend stabbers. My boobies are fantastic - I can't stop cupping them and making honking sounds!

The First Trimester was a challenge; no morning sickness, but all tears and irrational arguments (picked and crafted by hand by me.) My poor husband was a champ in dealing with his werewolf bride. I'd wake up at the end of my bus line, I could never stay awake longer than 7:30pm and would fall asleep while taking phone messages at work. The first part of the Second Trimester was a challenge purely for all the stuff happening at once...there was a move, there was a job situation getting situated, there was waiting for both of our insurance plans to kick in and also the biggest elephant in the room; the reality that this baby was going to come out and claim us both to be responsible for her every waking moment for a long, long time. There's the glory and ecstasy of expecting a child, but let's face it - this is fucking stressful as all get out. It's wonderful, but also the most terrifying thing I think we've both ever experienced. After we moved, we were able to look at everything one step at a time and then the energy and brief holiday from Crazyland I was promised in all of "the books" arrived. I felt more like myself and was even able to go out a few times and not feel like a 90 year-old.

Currently I'm on the threshold of the Third Trimester which promises (information via "the books") to mimic a lot of qualities from the First Trimester times ten. Yick. Well, alright. I have an idea of "what to expect", I've got my Hanzo sword ready and I promise to not pick so many irrational arguments with my partner - who has been completely amazing throughout the Minesweeper of my moods. With the recent appointments and everything that has happened in the past few weeks (as I mentioned above, we had a scare - I'm in the category called Advanced Age Maternal *coughold* and have had a colorful history with uterine fibroids. I have one right now as big as my fist in my uterus, surrounded by other tinier ones making me a candidate for pre-term labor IF I'm not careful.) Right now I'm looking at slowing way down, taking it easy when I can and sticking close to home in the last month. My job is a desk job - cake - but walking Typhoon (my Number One child) makes me a little nervous when he pulls on his leash so hard and causes some pain later in the evening. I'm also pretty sure that everything will be totally fine.

So all of the above? Why I'm just getting to you now. Please Don't Stop Believin'. We at the Pony love you.

3. And now what I REALLY wanted to tell you.
I started playing a game today with the oldies station called "Tell My Future in Blocks of Three Songs, Oldies Station!" My first block was "Ain't No Sunshine" (Bill Withers), "Gold Dust Woman" (Fleetwood Mac) and "Proud Mary" (Creedence Clearwater Revival).

From these choices, I gather that I'll be mugged by a Gold Dust Woman. When she goes away, she'll take the sun with her and it won't be warm. Before she goes, will she "rock on" and dig her grave with a silver spoon and then make me do the following in this order: cry, break down and shatter my illusions of love. Now, before picking up the pieces and going home, should I leave my good job in the city and take a ride on the River Boat Queen? People on the river are happy to give, right? Should I put my kingdom up for sale, or is this strictly the Gold Dust Woman's job? See? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I don't know about this game.

Until next time,


At 8:17 AM, Blogger Biz and/or Jordi said...


You have been missed! The Pony feels like the Pony again! I guess this means i'll have to talk about my latest sub-culture adventure soon.


At 1:47 AM, Anonymous David Ray said...

Let's see...your husband is an actor. You like to wear cute little 60s mod one-pieces. Your baby was conceived during a night of delirium where you dreamt you were on a boat with nude senior citizens. Ruth Gordon is your neighbor and is always trying to feed you chalky pudding.

Everything's going to be fine, darling.

At 5:49 AM, Anonymous Ted said...

And let's not forget, David, that our dog is named, "Typhoon! Typhoooooon!"


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