TYPHOON'S TOYS AND THEIR VARIOUS INJURIES

He's on the go , nine years-old and ready to destroy anything with fake eyes. Here's a damage report so far:

1. BUNNY - A white plush rabbit tops the list of Ty's favorite toys. I would probably bet that Bunny would be Ty's 'Desert Island' item or the thing he'd save in a fire. Probably over us. Bunny has weathered a lot of 'experimentation' but still has both eyes. The only thing gone is Bunny's dignity. My brother in law Joe calls Bunny 'The Accused'.

2. BUNNY II - Missing a nose.

3. PLUSH CHICKEN WITH ANTLERS AND EARMUFFS WHICH PLAYS 'THE CHICKEN DANCE' AND HOPS WHEN YOU PRESS ITS LEFT WING - Missing a beak.

4. RASTAFARIAN ROPE CREATURE-THING - All intact probably due to the fact that you can't tell what the fuck it is.

5. TACO BELL PLUSH CHIUAHUA - Missing one eye and its nose. Still talks when you press its tummy.

6. TINY BEAR - Missing both eyes and nose. Tiny Bear never stood a chance.

7. PLUSH GIFT SANTA WEARING ONLY HEART UNDERPANTS - Still all intact. Plush Gift Santa Wearing Only Underpants puts up a good fight.

8. WHITE PLUSH BEAR - As big as Bunny...actually looks exactly like Bunny from a distance, but I guess lacks Bunny's pheromones as there's not a scratch on him.

9. PLUSH SMURFETTE - All intact. Girl must know Karate.

10. PLUSH DEVIL WITH HEARTS - All intact. Satan must know Karate.

11. ORANGE SQUEAKY PUPPY - All intact. Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.

12. KITTY - No nose. The eyes are next. Sleep with one of them open, Kitty.

13. NINJA SQUEAKY DUCK WITH THROWING STARS ON IT - Will always be in one piece.

14. SQUEAKY SPIDER-MAN FIST - Built tough especially for dogs! Missing its squeak.

15. SQUEAKY CHEESEBURGER - Missing squeak. Squeaky Steak also lasted about three days four years ago.

16. SQUEAKY BARBELL - Missing squeak.

17. SPECIAL HONOR: SQUEAKY LEOPARD PRINT BRA MADE FOR DOGS - This is Ty's second favorite toy. He chews and chews and chews it - and it's still all intact. A gift from his lovely Auntie Daria, Squeaky Leopard Print Bra is the Everlasting Gobstopper of chew toys. It's the Effie from Dreamgirls; every time Typhoon attacks it again and again it's as if it's still strong squeak is singing: "And I Am telling you! I'm not going!..."

J.