Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Hey Goblin Shark...

Go fuck yourself.

Just kidding. Only kidding. I was just on a roll, and thought this would be...well, forget it.

Anyway....LOOK AT THIS!

Jesus Christ. This thing looks like a nightmare.

I mean, this seems put together wrong, right? Stefan showed me this and then had to sedate me so I could sleep.

GAH! LOOK AT IT! Jordi, look at it. Its awful. Its mouth alone is enough to make adorable kittens want to scratch there own eyes out. Really...AHHHHHHH! I am screaming right now. The more I look at it the more my heart fills with terror.

Good luck sleeping tonight PPPA's.

This may come as no surprise to many of you, but this is the same feeling I get when I see BK Manthem commercial.

xoxo, Biz


At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Jordi said...

I sure am looking at it Biz, and all I can think about is:
2)Awkward kisser. (Which way would you tilt your head?)
3)Seriously - that's neat.
4)Also night-terrorish.
5)Good discovery Dr. Ellis!

At 12:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Biz,
This is your old pal D-Rock. I have closed the shop, sold the house, bought a ticket to the West Coast, and am now the legal represenative of the Goblin Shark. Actually, his name is Terence Goblin Shark. I thought giving you his first name could help you see him in a more positive light, as an individual.

I'm sorry to say that Terence found your diatribe quite disturbing. He's been up all night drinking Jim Beam and sobbing. Sobbing, I tell you. I'm asking you out of the kindness of your heart to please cease and desist on the Goblin Shark remarks. He's really not a bad guy.

I mean, the 'Go F yourself' (self-censored--curse words burn my ears!) comment just sent him in a tailspin. Lots of people assume he can do that, just 'cause of that, um...shaft, on top of his head, and they say so all the time. He's quite sensitive about it. We've arranged some time with Dr. 90210 to take care of it, but it will be a while yet.

And let me tell you, those kittens you spoke of...well, they weren't so adorable after all. One of 'em beats his wife, another sniffs gas and yet another has been arrested due to inappropriate comments made to minors on This is in addition to the nasty stuff they say about my client. Not exactly pillars of the community, I say, so their loss of vision is not a big concern of ours. Especially not compared to the current state of mind that Terence is in at this point in time.

Please, we beg of you, don't judge a book by its cover. Much like a hot pocket, once you get to know a goblin shark, you find that there's all kinds of good stuff on the inside.

Thanks again,

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

Dude, that thing is way less scary than a regular shark.
If he's trying to eat you, you just grab that thing and hold on out there where his teeth can't reach you!
He's powerless!
Hot fuss, man, I'm gonna go find one right now and thwart it...

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Biz and/or Jordi said...

D Rock...I forgot to say hi!

Everyone...this is D-Rock!

He's rad.

He is an internet friend from long ago.

I think he is very funny!


xoxo, Biz


Post a Comment

<< Home