Tom Brokaw's Diary: Entry entry 9 - 12

Dear Diary, I got my period today! I am finally a woman. HA HA HA. I am just kidding Diary. I bet I had you going there for a second. I do sometimes wish that I could be a woman. Know the power to create life. I would feel like God. I guess I am like a woman in some ways. I gave birth to the news each night for years. I’d like to see a woman do that. God, if Katie Couric ever heard me say that she’d kick my ass, and I can’t live through that again.

Dear Diary, if I was a milkshake, I would be strawberry and I have a feeling I would bring all the boys to the yard, as I would be delicious and boys like milkshakes on a hot summer day. I am ready for summer Diary. This cold weather is making me nuts! I feel like I have had a cold for three months now. I blame the weather. One minutes its hot, the next its cold then warm, then cold…damn me and my addiction to Aquanet hairspray. I sometimes feel that I alone caused global warming from my obscene use of Aquanet aerosol. But I look so damn good when I use it. It is the only hairspray that works on my hair. I tried the non aerosol but its just not the same. I am sorry world. I am sorry for screwing you but you would have done the same if you were in my shoes. I know you would have world! I am sure everything will work out and lets face it, I’ll be dead soon and it won’t really be my problem anymore.

Dear Dairy, retirement is so boring. I have been tossing around the idea of moving to some small, nowhere city in America and joining the local news team. You know, like being the co-anchor on WBRX in Tuscaloosa, Alabama or something. For shits and giggles, Diary. Wouldn’t that blow their minds? I could do it in my sleep or drunk. HA HA HA. Hold on, I have to pee Diary. I’m back. What was I thinking? Oh yeah, local news and drinking. I won’t do it though Diary. I just like thinking about it. Could you imagine though? It would be wild.

Dear Dairy, I had a new spice today. It is called Paprika. IT WAS DELICIOUS! I can’t quite describe the flavor, but its got a kick and its red and it can be used in all types of dishes. I can’t believe I have never heard of it before. I can’t imagine I have never tried it. Maybe I have and just never knew it. Well, regardless, I am going to put it on everything. Maybe I will write a cookbook on paprika inspired dishes. I’ll call it the Greatest Generation…of Paprika, or Paprika Like Its 1999. I’ll call my agent tomorrow. It will feel good to get involved in a project. I like eating and cooking and now, the wonderful spice, Paprika, I can’t imagine how this couldn’t be perfect!