Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Monday, February 01, 2010

We Probably Should Have Heard The Giant Squid Out First...

...before slaughtering them by the hundreds.

In another example of "look before you leap" or as I like to call it "we can't have anything nice can we?" hundreds upon hundreds of Giant Squid have shown up on the California coast line this past weekend and well...

I heard "giant squid" and I got very excited. Giant Squid are almost like dinosaurs! They are rarely much so that they pull top ratings on Discovery Channel. The child in me is jumping up and down and wondering if I have enough money to fly to the West Coast to join my brothers and sisters, hand in hand, and witness this awesome spectacle of nature.

Sadly, the child in me is instead horrified, standing in the bloody spray back from the slaughter that my brothers and sisters have brought down upon the Giant Squid.

"...say anglers in Orange County have caught (meaning killed) about 400 of the big squid since Friday night."

400 giant 3 days.

Pardon me, and it may be all the science fiction and horror films I have watched, but if there are so many GIANT squid coming to many that "400 killed" sounds like it isn't making a dent...shouldn't we maybe wait to hear the squid out before knocking old people down just to kill one first.

Hundreds of giant squid suddenly showing up on the California coast seems to me like a sign of some sort, don't you think? Locusts? Blood moon? Hundreds of giant squid?

This is how I imagine it is going down. Some where, deep, deep, in the ocean...possibly near the home of giant squids, the earth's crust ruptures and human eating ocean zombies pop out and start making their way to California to eat humans. The King of the giant squid pays no heed, but his empathetic daughter cries to him, "oh father, I am in love with a human man named Frank. Can't you put aside your suspicion and bigotry towards man and help them? The story that man's violence and greed forced us into hiding centuries ago is just that, a story. You'll see. They are peaceful like we are." The giant squid king agrees. All the giant squid come to warn us and we kill them right away.

I think it is summed up best by this California fisherman in this article:

“Most of the fish we catch are better to eat, but they don’t give you much of a fight,” Woodbury said.
These squid, on the other hand, do not  stop struggling even after getting hooked and tossed into the boat.
"They’re trying to crawl around and blow ink all over everybody,” he said. (HA HA HA HA HA! HIGH FIVES!)
The squid make for a messier prize, but that is part of the fun," he said. "When they’re lifted out of the water … they become a giant squirt gun,” Woodbury said. (HA HA! CHEST BUMP!)
“Chances are you’re gonna take a faceful or a chestful of water – and probably ink – when you pull them out … everybody laughs.” (HA HA FART HA HA)
Well, when the human eating ocean zombies start eating our brains, I guess everybody will laugh.

(<----- not Frank)



At 7:54 AM, Blogger Stefan said...

I think this is my favorite Pony post of all time.

At 10:19 PM, Blogger Jordi or Biz said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 2:29 AM, Blogger Jordi or Biz said...

I used the wrong 'your' before. I used the 'you are' version.

So again: Biz, your news is hard hitting. And I agree!



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