Meanwhile...

*Brrrriiiiiiing...Brrrriiiiiing...*

ALI LOHAN: H-h-*gulp* Hell-llo?

LINDSAY LOHAN: Ugh-*gulp* A-a-ali?

ALI LOHAN: L-l-lindsay? *gulp, cry* Are you crying too?

LINDSAY LOHAN: Y-y-yes. Are y-you? *cry*

ALI LOHAN: Y-yes! I'm crying too!

BOTH: *CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Ohmigod, Ali! The world is s-s-s-so... *WAAAAH*

ALI LOHAN: Ohmigod, I KNOW!

BOTH: *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: Why are you crying? *sniff*

LINDSAY LOHAN: My heart is hurting!

ALI LOHAN: No one is buying your leggings. I'm so sorry! *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: It's just that... The...the WORLD! *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: I KNOW, RIGHT? *CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Yesterday I was all to my friends: "I'm hopping on a plane to go fuck Jude Law tomorrow in Brazil"...*cry*

ALI LOHAN: *sniff* And?

LINDSAY LOHAN: *sniff* Okay, so... NO ONE CARES! *CRY*

ALI LOHAN: I HATE MY LIFE!

BOTH: *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: Where are you? *sniff*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Yacht. *cry*

ALI LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Where are you? *sniff*

ALI LOHAN: A yacht. *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

ALI LOHAN: But where are you though? *sniff*

LINDSAY LOHAN: On the water. *cry*

ALI LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: But where are you on a map? *sniff*

ALI LOHAN: Blue part *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

BOTH: *CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Everyone on this boat is all shiny and Russian! *CRY*

ALI LOHAN: That's bullshit! *CRY* Why?

LINDSAY LOHAN: I don't know! *cry* It's just really stupid! *CRY*

ALI LOHAN: AND PEOPLE ARE DYING! *WAIL*

LINDSAY LOHAN: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAID! *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: We have to stop people *sniff* because if we don't, who will?

LINDSAY LOHAN: NO ONE WILL! *cry* WHO WILL STOP THE PEOPLE?

ALI LOHAN: I'm so...*CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Hungry? *sniff*

ALI LOHAN: YES EXACTLY!

LINDSAY LOHAN: OH, BUT THE CHILDREN! *WAIL*



J.