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Monday, January 18, 2010

This Is Going to Take Fucking Forever - Lady Gaga review part 2 (Biz)

The above is my favorite line from Jordi's review of Lady Gaga's (whoever that is) video Paparazzi. Like Jordi said, I don't know who Lady Gaga (whoever that is) is. For some reason this surprises people...people who don't know me. I mean the last album I got...and we are talking ALBUM...was at a street fair last summer and it was Kenny Rogers from the 80's.  Sure I have heard the words "Lady Gaga" (whoever that is) but I have also heard the words "magical unicorn" but just like Lady Gaga (whoever that is) I haven't seen it.

So basically I treat Lady Gaga (whoever that is) like a unicorn. When I hear her name mentioned I file it away, not because I believe she exists, but because just in case she does exist I'll be able to recognize her.

"But Biz, um, Lady Gaga is a real person."

Ummm hmmm. Describe her to me.

"She is a singer and she has crazy hair and wears crazy outfits and everybody loves her. I am going to kill myself, she is so cool! She is like a role model for girls everywhere to just do it!"

ummmm hmmmm. Ok. Let's go onto the internet and have a look shall we?


uh, ok...and here is a picture of a unicorn. What else you got?



ummm hmmm. Are you sure that's not Paris Hilton?




ok


I see.



What is Lady Gaga's (whoever that is) deal with pants? Is she allergic to pants? The fact that she never seems to be wearing pants doesn't support the theory that she is real. As a matter of fact, most mythical creatures don't wear pants...Abominable Snowman, no pants. Bigfoot, no pants. Loch Ness Monster, no pants. Unicorn (BAM) no pants.

"GAH! Biz! You are so stupid! She met the Queen!! AND OPRAH!"




blink...blink

What is wrong with this woman? I am starting to believe you that she is real, but I am not sure I feel good about that.

I'll just check out some videos...Poker Face comes up first.

ummm hmmm. I see. Ok. Are we sure this isn't Paris Hilton...possibly crossed with 40 something Barbara Streisand? Kudoos to you for not changing that nose sweetheart. I guess I understand the reasons for the distracting hair styles and the "no pants" strategy. Emphasize other areas. I get it. I did the same thing with weird perscrition eye glasses and a bad perm to distract from my lack of boobies when I was 12. It wasn't a good strategy.

How about Love Games?

Wow...I have no idea what the fuck is happening here. What is this opeing scene...Fight Club meets Wizards meets giant phallic Q-tip? Where are you Kenny? (Oh, you are probably with that new wife who is 3 times younger than you and enjoying all your plastic surgery that makes you look a tad like Paris Hilton as well. As you were.)

OK...one more...Beautiful, Dirty, Rich.

Sigh...I can't even make it through these. I just don't care. It has nothing to do with if she is talented or not...I am not the target audience. All of this comes across to me like "spoiled, rich girl trying to get back at daddy and make herself feel all right with her wealth." (wow...do I feel old and out of touch) But what the hell do I know? I believe the answer is "not much about Lady Gaga (whoever that is)."

I guess she is a unicorn to cast such a magical spell over the world causing the Queen and Oprah to pay attention. I mean how long have I been out of it? 2? 3 years? Who gets that sort of fame that quickly without a horn shooting out of their forehead? Bravo Lady Gaga (whoever that is). I will keep on not knowing who you and other popular sensations are and still manage to sleep through the night, and you go on being allergic to pants.

The question posed to Jordi and I was, "Is she a genius or retarded?"

I am going with a little of column A and a little of column B.  I look forward to when Katy Belle and Evie are old enough to have opinions on music and Jordi and I can say things to them like "That's not music!" or "I remember in my day, Green Day was all the rage" and they will roll their eyes at us and jump in their hover crafts and take off to make out with boys at soda shops in space.

It's going to be awesome.
Love, Biz


3 Comments:

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Stefan said...

I will point out here that Biz continues to not know who Lady Gaga is, despite the fact that I worked on a Lady Gaga project for about a month last year.

 
At 10:31 PM, Blogger Jordi or Biz said...

Brava Biz! Nicely done. If Evangeline was at an age where she was cuckoo for Gaga, I'd probably refer to her as 'Lady Googoo' or 'Mrs. Googah' on purpose, just to get the eye-roll and "MOM! IT'S LADY GAGA!". I'm kind of excited to get all of the names wrong of her future heroes. Except for Spider-Man. Whom she'd better like.

J.

 
At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Lady Gaga Tickets said...

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