Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Saturday, April 17, 2010


"All I needed was uterine fibroids."

TAMPA, FL - A Tampa woman has finally closed the book on a two year long search to find something wrong with her, thanks to tenacious research, paranoia, the Lifetime channel and hypochondria. "I always knew something was wrong, or going to be wrong. All I needed was a gaggle of uterine fibroids growing inside of my body, stealing blood to feed themselves!", said 62 year-old Beverly Whitehead-Coombs. "It's such a relief. I feel like I'm not crazy after all!", she smiled digging through her lunch of Kozy Shack tapioca.

Whitehead-Coombs started her quest after a co-worker was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. "Kathy - bless her - got the cancer. We were all very upset, but the person who looked the least upset was Kathy! She surprised us all with her determination and inspiration. I guess I'd feel inspiring too, if I got all of those flowers and balloons everyday. You should have seen her desk! Accounts payable looked like Wayne Newton's dressing room! We could have changed from being a machine guard manufacturing company to a gift shop with all of those plush teddy bears and flowers and See's Candy boxes and silver balloons and casseroles and joke key chains and gift cards to use at Olive Garden and fudge!" Whitehead-Coombs wants to make it clear that she's not competing against her friend. "What I found baffling was that I have a strong family history of disease, and as far as I know, Kathy's family are all fit as fiddles! I just thought, 'Here I am searching and searching for my Auntie Bess' chest cancer in me and here comes Kathy - healthy as a horse two weeks ago at Casino Night - and now she's got the cancer! And all the attention!'" She then added: "I bet she didn't even look herself first. I bet some doctor found it. That's when I decided to up the research on Web MD. And it paid off! I went in to the lady doctor and she found what was wrong with me, but I found it first. Next week, I'll be getting a very painful hysterectomy! They wanted to do another procedure but I said: 'No thanks! The next time I go back to work, I want two months worth of Nancy's Feel Betterscotch Fudge sitting on my desk!'"

Whitehead-Coombs didn't stop there: "If you stick to the task and are thorough, good things can happen!"



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