Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

I'll give you the bird

Idiot: Biz, is it possible that you can hate a commercial more than the commercials you have already written about?

Me: Yes.

Idiot: Ohhhhhhhhh, I get it! She's giving him the bird but she means a drink. Ha ha ha! That was confusing but then I figured it out.

Me: (kicks idiot into a pool of man eating sharks)

If I was going to re shoot this commercial, I would make sure that you cut back to the bartender so you could see him pull a gun out and shoot himself in the mouth for having to even participate in this...this...I don't know what you call this...maybe a well of sadness.

Let's break it down, ok?

Duchebag 1: Hey, I think that girl is looking at you.

Duchebag 2: (look at her a little too long and in a slightly menacing way).

Duchebag 1: I think she likes you.

Duchebag 2: (Continue staring, think about how you can sleep with her in an unsatisfying way for her, probably involving sloppily pawing at what you think are her "lady parts" and then eat all her Sour Cream and Onion Sun Chips. She better have Sun chips.)

Woman: (Look around in a sexy way, but not to sexy, more like sexy but you don't the best you give him the finger.)

Bartender: (Get your gun)

Duchebag 1: Man, did I get that wrong.

Duchebag 2: No you didn't. (Act really superior) She just ordered me a Wild Turkey. (Relish in the smugness of how much classier you are than your friend. Then wonder if you can keep yourself from getting so drunk that you wind up pissing in your sleep on this woman's stuffed animal collection she keeps as a reminder of when she had a chance to make her whole life different.)

I hope the ad agency who came up with this are all fired. Really...this is it? "uh, duh, how about we have people give each other the bird when they want a shot of Wild Turkey cause its the bird and the drink is named after a bird...duh, duh...and its dirty...duh, duh...let's put a record scratch in as a sound effect...people love that...MONEY!"

I am not even sure how to sign off on this post.




At 12:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i, too, hated this commercial from the first time it gave me the bird, er, ordered me a drink? no ... from the first time it told me to go f&@k myself.

-- kath


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