Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Yay! My Freak Magnet Colonge is Working!

I was stared at and sniffed at all before 7:30am this morning by strange men on the bus.

Thank GOD, because I was hoping that would happen. That means my 'Star Light / Star Bright' wish from last night came true!

Just when I thought the day couldn't get better, another drunk man with bloodshot eyes and a mouth like death sits next to me on the train and attempts to put his arm around me (yay!) I pretend that I'm pissed and swat his hand away. I say: "Excuse me." He doesn't move. I attempt to get up to move myself and he says all leery: "You could just climb over me if you want to". (Of course I want to! But I don't. My inner voice is saying the whole time: "Don't be too eager, Jordi...don't be too know how weak you are when it comes to pasty alcoholic dudes".)

God he smells so good. Like old french fries and bile and a sandwich that's been in the bottom of a locker. I try not to just kiss him right then and there.

Later on my lunch, imagine my excitement when I'm all of a sudden the subject of an argument between a pair of die-hard Skinny Puppy fans; a boyfriend and his Sherman tank built 6'2 girlfriend (who could easily beat me to a pulp.) What happened was, they were already arguing about a man who apparently is 'just friends' with the girl (who I'll call "Tall-y"), but her boyfriend doesn't believe this. He thinks they're more than friends. She gets upset and starts punching him on the arm....hard. (He says 'Ow!' a lot...her voice getting louder.)

In a stroke of what can only be called 'genius telephathy', he comes over to me while I'm minding my own business and reading and says: "Heeeey, pretty lady". I'M FLOORED because you know what I was thinking? I was thinking: "I feel like getting beaten up by a girl ten times bigger than me - I sure wish that guy over there would do something to provoke her to turn into a whirling dervish of terror". I only got half my wish, as right as he said: "Heeeey, pretty lady" she went ballistic and started coming after him. I got up, grabbed my shit and ran out of that Carl's Junior as fast as I could. Maybe I really didn't feel like getting beaten up like I thought. Sometimes you have to be prepared for too much fun!

Well, it's only 2:30P. Anything else rad could happen.

Personally, I'm hoping to catch pink-eye from the man who plays Chicago songs on his keyboard down the street.

Wish me luck!


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