'HAVE SOME CEREAL!' By ROBERT LOGGIA
GEEAH! WHO DIED?
Why the long faces?! Geeah! You have it so lucky. Enough with my yoo-yahs; I'm here to talk cereal!
First up: 'Lucky Chahhms'. The way you kids poo-poo your nose at Lucky Chahhms is really something. First up, you don't give the marshmallows a chance! What you really need to do is let them sit in the milk. Give it a minute. Give it a chance! You don't like the way it tastes like crayons? Give it a minute! Let it soften! You MTV people don't know how to let things be! Always so quick to shove it in your mouth first thing. That's why it tastes like chemicals and that's why you're so screwy. Next!
'Grape Nuts'. Any cereal that promises good regularity with a touch of class gets aces in my book! Of course - I wouldn't expect you to understand that. "Oh, I can't have that because it looks like aquarium rocks" you say. BAH! You don't get it and you never will. Next!
'Big'. Tom Hanks and I spent all day jumping up and down a giant keyboard. Beat that with a stick!
'George Washington'. He had wooden teeth. Look it up, it's a fact!
'Movin' Out' (The musical featuring the music of Billy Joel.) 'Uptown Girl' - Classy! 'She's Always a Woman' - Delightful! 'Big Shot' - Not a fan!
'Gene Hackman'. The name says it all: Hack-Man!
I'm Robbert Loggia.....BAH! HAVE SOME CEREAL!
-J.
Why the long faces?! Geeah! You have it so lucky. Enough with my yoo-yahs; I'm here to talk cereal!
First up: 'Lucky Chahhms'. The way you kids poo-poo your nose at Lucky Chahhms is really something. First up, you don't give the marshmallows a chance! What you really need to do is let them sit in the milk. Give it a minute. Give it a chance! You don't like the way it tastes like crayons? Give it a minute! Let it soften! You MTV people don't know how to let things be! Always so quick to shove it in your mouth first thing. That's why it tastes like chemicals and that's why you're so screwy. Next!
'Grape Nuts'. Any cereal that promises good regularity with a touch of class gets aces in my book! Of course - I wouldn't expect you to understand that. "Oh, I can't have that because it looks like aquarium rocks" you say. BAH! You don't get it and you never will. Next!
'Big'. Tom Hanks and I spent all day jumping up and down a giant keyboard. Beat that with a stick!
'George Washington'. He had wooden teeth. Look it up, it's a fact!
'Movin' Out' (The musical featuring the music of Billy Joel.) 'Uptown Girl' - Classy! 'She's Always a Woman' - Delightful! 'Big Shot' - Not a fan!
'Gene Hackman'. The name says it all: Hack-Man!
I'm Robbert Loggia.....BAH! HAVE SOME CEREAL!
-J.
posted by Biz and/or Jordi @ 6:37 AM
4 Comments:
I have read this and laughed 7 times.
Biz
Bob Loggia here. A friend in LA had me take a gander at this what-have-you send-up of yours truly. You got me pretty spot-on, except I don't give a whit about our first president, and probably wouldn't metion him. If I did, it'd be to speculate how he gave Martha the what-for. As for cereal, ghhmm, you got me there. I also dig that new Life with yogurt clusters. Actually anything with yogurt clusters and freeze dried strawberries. It's like we're living in a world only Don Rickles could've created. Anyway, dolls, you did good, and Bob would give ya the what-for if you were available. Ghhrmmm.
Btw PPPAers, Jordi has been asked to write a whole series of Robert Loggia monologues for the new radio show I'm producing in Portland. And I'm lucky enough to get to channel Mr. L on the show. We'll be sure to let you know when they air, so you can listen in on their website.
My wife is so fucking funny.
Husband Theodore
you two make me sick
...with jealousy
AND
...admiration.
goodbye forever!
Biz
PS. That is so awesome.
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