Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Guess who went to North Carolina

These guys!

Oh and Stefan. He came too but had a different seat and had to hold the camera.

Why? Why did we go to North Carolina? Well, in my fantasy life of leaving NYC, the Durham/Chapel Hill area seemed to find its way to the top of the relocation list. Its in the South but not so far down as my home state Alabama that Stefan might explode from the abundance of "chit chat." The man can handle only so much chit chat. It has a very good food scene (check out to get a taste) and because of the colleges, it has a good music and art scene and leans a tad more to the liberal side. Seemed like a good fit.

Here's something weird. Neither of us have ever been. 

So for the last 2 years we have discussed going down to check it out and ta daaaaaa. It has been checked.

First off, super short flight from NYC which is a delight with a baby. By the way, 14 month olds or "toddlers" or whatever you want to call them, need lots of new stuff for flights. I miss my tiny, boring baby who slept all the time. That said, Katy Belle is not a yeller...yet. We got another flight in 2 weeks so there is always a chance the yelling will turn up.


What is important is that when we got into town and hit the store for milk, etc for Katy Belle, we were informed by pretty much everyone that "the State Fair is in town" and opens...I mean opening day people...opens in 2 hours.

How do you know you married the right person? You know when you are standing in a Kroger's check out line, are told the State Fair is in town, and you look at each other and say "STATE FAIR!" followed by high fives.

I give you North Carolina trip Part 1

Outside the entrance to the State Fair are several 4-H club displays. I assume they were made to pump you up about the fair. This one said "Celebrate What's Good."
Pigs playing drums is what's good! Oh yeah!

Once inside you can stop off at Fun Rider Rentals for a fun ride, which seems to mean wheel chairs. Ummmm, fun? 
 (I hope this isn't representative of the "fun rides" that lie inside.)

Hot damn! The Village of Yesteryear! 

 It does not disappoint. This was actually very charming and filled with vendors who make handmade products and they all dress up in old timey garb which totally pulls on my "people don't all suck" strings. 

 Next up, Children's Barnyard!


This is probably my only complaint. The Children's Barnyard had very deep fencing keeping vistitors a tad too far away. Katy Belle was not impressed.

But I am impressed by the Hobbies and Crafts area that displayed the best of the best from around the state. Check out this Lego Storm Trooper.

And then there was food. As far as the eye could much fried food. 

No this is not the "food scene" I spoke of. This is fair food which is awesome...if I was 10 years younger or still smoking weed.

 Soooooo many turkey leg options.

 Leave it to "older and wiser" Biz to find the only truck that boasted farm fresh veggies. I got okra. DEEP FRIED MOTHER FREAKING OKRA!
  Did someone say Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich? 
 Stefan did. Stefan said fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. 
 Stefan also ate that fried peanut butter and banana sandwich.
 Note to all fair goers. There is a difference between fried and deep fried. We were assuming this sandwich would have a golden, hot crust of fried goodness. It did not but was still very good.

Ok. Don't look now. DON'T LOOK! Ok look. Guy with giant Rastafarian banana is right over there.
 This guy was walking around with I can only assume his wife or girlfriend and a mother...his or hers, I don't know but a mother. How did this guy wind up with this? Ok, I know how he wound up with it....every carni game was giving them away. FYI this is not the biggest rastafarian banana to be won.

I am going with his manhood being challenged by a carnie, he shoots a clown in the mouth till a balloon pops, he looks to his wife and mother and one of them says, "I want that one!" I can also go with him thinking this is the most romantic prize he could have ever won. "I like bananas and Bob Marley. This is gonna look great on our bed."

Would you like to take a ride on the U Toob?

 Same guy! Same Rastafarian banana. He has to carry this around all day. 
(Yeah, thats my 14 month old baby who is as huge as she looks. Jesus. She looks is like a giant Rastafarian banana. I think her head is bigger than mine.) 

So Stefan's manhood was challenged by the ski ball machines. Do you see me with a giant rastafarian banana? You do not.
 Haunted house ride! I wanna go!
 Oh wait, I can't because it apparently doesn't operate during the day time. LAME!

There is more to see but around this point we discovered that the milk we bought at Krogers was bad and felt we needed to get Katy Belle outta there before something horrible happened...possibly more horrible than the free Harlequin Romance novel they were giving away entitled Romance and Mystery. I thought this was a description but it is in fact the title. Romance and Mystery. 
So good times were had by all at the fair! I think this is a great sign.

Oh wait. Remember that comment about Katy Belle and the bad milk? Yeah, that didn't work out well. We were two exits away from our hotel when Katy Belle made a noise and Stefan looked back and said "oh we got some puke. Just need a burp cloth."


"Oh! There is a little more."


"Oh my god!"

I look back from driving and I only see Katy Belle's face. The rest of her and the car seat and the back seat is covered in vomit. No I don't have a photo. My first thught was not to take a picture. 

It looked nothing like this:

It was awful and smelled bad. There was no way we were making it 2 more exits and poor Katy Belle didn't know what was going on. I pull off into an empty office park and we get her out of the seat. We have very little with us to clean this up. We got her onto her changing pad, stripped her down and cleaned her up with the 5 wipes we had left and put her in the state fair shirt I had bought. I used everything we had with us to try and wipe down the back but she wasn't going back in the car seat. It was 2 inches deep with vomit. So windows down, Stefan held Katy Belle in the back seat while I got us home. While he bathed her and got her to bed, I got down and dirty with the vomit. You know you are a mom when you don't think twice about your fingers being covered in vomit. 

We wound up having to return the car seat that night for a new one from the car rental place. I got into a tersely polite back and forth with the night desk clerk who didn't think it was relevant info to give me (the crazy woman who is covered in vomit and has said my baby has vomited) that the laundry room doesn't have a change machine or detergent dispencer, so I had to make a lot of vomit covered trips back and forth across the hotel to get the laundry finally in. I disassembled the car seat, so while it no longer looked like a car seat, we did not return it covered in puke.

They also had us on the smoking floor yet claimed we didn't have a smoking room. So I put in a room change request.

Let's just say we needed sleep and "take 2" with the hotel. We woke up excited about checking out Chapel Hill. What could be a better omen that the day is going to be great than opening your door to find a GIANT pair of women's panties on the knob.

Stay tuned for North Carolina Part 2.


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