Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Well I don't think this is ok

Should the place where I got my glasses and get my eyes checked be sending me this?



Bring my "kiddies" to your eyeglasses store, the one I go to maybe once every 2 years when my eye insurance turns over, and leave them there with who? The "responsible staff?" Sure, I don't do Lexis Nexis checks on my sitter, but I need more than the word of this email from a total stranger...oh wait! There's popcorn, drinks and other snacks? Well, then. Totally fine! What time? 5pm, right before dinner? Snacks before dinner? WHAT A GREAT IDEA! I LOVE IT!

Can you not say "kiddies?" The word actually creeps me out, I think the Crypt Keeper used to say it before launching into a tale of horror...hmmm a tale, possibly about parents leaving their precious children at a store that sells eyeglasses and then go to a bar, only to return to find out that their children are dead but they get a great deal on eyeglasses that are in fact made out of their children! AHHHHHHHHHGGG!

OK, we leave our kids with a stranger, I like it, and then we go to a bar. Great. You know, I, like most parents, am able to TOTALLY relax when I go out and leave my child with my sitter or even a family memeber. I never once think about my daughter and how she is doing. Never. (cough) I can confidently say that leaving my children in a store while I go to a bar will allow me to unwind like never before.

Are you trying to sell me glasses? I guess holding an event in which I never actually hang out in the store will achieve that? Better yet, lets fill your store up with "kiddies" and let them go nuts with all the glasses that are on your wall at "kiddie" level. I am not expert parent, but to assume all the "kiddies' dropped off with you are going to be well behaved and sit quietly on the floor and watch UP rather than get over stimulated in a new place with other children surrounded by dress up opportunities with all those glasses sounds like a leap. All I imagine is that scene in Bachealor Party and that when I return Tom Hanks is going to be making out with an inflatable love doll and a goat will be roaming about.

I am sort of interested in coming without my child to watch this train wreck, or at least see who actually comes so I can keep my child away from them.

Good times. If you need me, I'll be calling child services.

xoxo, Biz


At 10:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said... went Taliban on that eyeglass place.... just give it a few months and you will be calling to ask about advance reservations for the next "Drop The Baby Off and Get Drunk Night"

At 10:53 AM, Anonymous Livia Scott said...

Once again, you nailed it, Biz! You dissected everything that is wrong with this in a merciless hurricane of wit. Dorothy Parker would be a Pony fan. Bravo!


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