KONG Is Opening...Time To Check Your LOYALTY. (Part One)

That's right.

Sure, it's time to tell yourself: "Boy, 'KONG' sure looks fantastic and I can't wait to see it", but take it from me - it's really time to ASK yourself: "Should I give Naomi Watts my hard earned money right off the bat? Shouldn't I give her a little scare opening weekend? I mean after all - she DID call my friend Jordi Barnes "TOO UGLY" to be in a school cabaret-type dance review in high school".

"WHAT?!!" I hear you sputter. I'll back up.

In Australia I went to a school called Mosman High. In the 10th grade we met a new student; she already came with instant glamour because her dad was a road manager for Pink Floyd and her mum was a fashion designer. Her name was Naomi Watts and I desperately wanted her to be my new best friend because she got away with wearing non-school uniform boots from Kings Road in London. She wore whatever shoes she wanted and never got sent home. Her dad would take her out for scampi at lunchtime, she got to wear makeup and she had charisma in spades.

She was also friends with a local succesful model named Nicole Kidman who went to North Sydnery Girls over the hill.

One year, it was decided by a favorite teacher Mr. Taylor to enter the school in a radio station sponsored event called The High School Rock Eisteadford. All the schools had to do was pick a song, work out a routine, interpret the song and perform it at the Syndey Entertainment Centre. The winners received heaps of cash for their school and got to meet Aussie pop stars The Radiators. Mr. Taylor taught history, but his real love was theatre. For our history final we watched "Blazing Saddles". We all got A's. I'm not kidding.

After posting a notice and getting the word out, a Mosman High Dance Team group was born. The song was picked ("Spies in the Night" by Manhattan Transfer) and the theme (James Bond). As my friend Sharon Scott-Holland and I waited to hear what we'd be doing, there was Naomi in the gym, surrounded by admirers. She had such a luminous quality. Her Kings Road boots begging me to borrow them....I will never forget those boots.

I figured that the boots gave me an excuse to talk to her. Still waiting for Mr. Taylor - I sauntered over...my acne pounding with pain, my braces freshly tightened, my perm screaming for someone to burn all my hair off...my shoes, hideous black Oxfords. Shoes of "the uniform". Shoes like everyone else except Naomi. I approached, and she was already backing away slightly as if I were offering poo on a stick for her to smell. "Hi" I said. "Hello" she said. "I LOVE your boots! Where did you get them?" Naomi shifted her eyes searching for someone to rescue her from this lame-O who dared to talk to her, but no one was within saving distance. "London" was her frosty reply. "Neat!" I said, instantly regretting it. She saw Mr. Taylor and instantly made a bee line for him. I went back and stood with Sharon and listened as the parts of the James Bond dance were doled out. The Bond Girls were Michelle Boram, Selina Starkey and Naomi (naturally). The dancers were cast. Nick Wellinski was James Bond. "And I haven't forgotten about you three" Mr. Taylor pointed in our direction "Sharon, Amanda and Jordana...you are going to play a very important part in this project. You three are going to be helpers!"

Oh yay.

(To be continured...)
-Jordi.