Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Read The Article First...

"Madonna Adopts a Child"
A Short Play By J. Barnes

(It is Sunday afternoon. Madonna is reading the paper in the mansion she shares with her husband Guy Ritchie.)

MADONNA: I want another kid.

GUY: Okay, Luv.

MADONNA: But I want to adopt one.

GUY: Okay, Luv.

(There is a pause)

MADONNA: I mean, like...NOW!

GUY: Okay, Luv.

(Madonna and Guy hop on a plane and go to Malawi. They get off the plane. They go to where the orphans are.)

MADONNA: Wow. Hey guy, look at all these orphans!

GUY: Yeahr.

MADONNA: There's like...tonnes of them!

GUY: I fancy a pint (He leaves.)

MADONNA: (To Orphan Wrangler) Excuse me, Zamboni? Could you get them all lined up? I wanna take a lookie-loo. And I need some hummus.

(Zamboni The Orphan Wrangler lines up all the orphans.)

MADONNA: Oh. No, no, no, no.... No girls.

ZAMBONI: (Tongue clicks that say "No girls?")

MADONNA: Absolutely no girls.....Competition.

(Zamboni wrangles all the girls and puts them in a sack which goes on a truck. The truck drives away. Probably to an awful place.)

MADONNA: Okay! Boys. BOYS! Can you stop being starving for two seconds and look over here? Okay, line UP!, go stand over Smile...okay you're a 'possible'., I'd have better luck at the leper! YES! What's your name? Well, it's nice to meet you Twelve! Come with me! You're life is about to change and not only that, I'm going to build an ark for all your brothers and sisters!

TWELVE: That sounds great!

GUY: This pint is delicious!

MADONNA: Let's go home!

(They go home as a family, and Jordi Barnes gets many nasty comments. And Randy Newman gets swept up by the tentacles of a Desert Land Kraaken and dies.)



At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nasty message x10


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