Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010 I feel a little bad

when someone comes across our site when they might actually be looking for

I mean, we are in no way a place for Princesses and Ponys to party. Of course, after visiting their site, they don't seem to be getting too many calls from the police to keep it down.

Remember their motto: (I am not making this up) IT'S NEVER SO COLD THAT A PONY CAN'T WARM YOU UP!

Truer words, truer words, 

Sunday, March 21, 2010

More from the cruise! usual, life is totally keeping me from the Pony. Stupid life. But I just can't let the cruise posts go with out at least one last little something I have been working on.

Like I have are classy. Art equals class, ergo, art on cruise. Here Stefan has found some art.

Must I say anything or are you already aware that I am a 12 year old.

Do you know what else is classy? Ordering a cocktail with 5 minutes left to go in happy hour and being given the happy hour special even though you didn't want it.

I guess I am no longer cool seeing as I found the prospect of trying to drink all this before dinner a tad daunting.
Now, I am not sure you can make this out or not, but right behind me is...a racist. No, not Randy Newman over my shoulder, but literally right behind me, is an older guy from Brooklyn who upon no prompting from us, informed us that his neighborhood in Brooklyn was great "cause they don't let certain elements in." And you guys wonder why I get so angry when people suggest the South is some last bastion of bigotry, like it doesn't exist in everyone's back yard.


Oh, I almost forgot the classiest part of the casino sports bar!

Glove Chairs!

Let me repeat...Glove...Chairrrrrrrrrs.
Ok, last night of the cruise is the big fancy, chef's dinner in the main dining room. Of course it should come as no surprise that the menu would come in the form of a chef hat...
And come as even less of a surprise that everyone would be wearing their hats.

And so I give you..."Biz Commits To Wearing the Hat."

oh, ok...I'll throw in one last little taste of the cruise.


lizards from Epic Family on Vimeo.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Kayaking anyone?


How is this for the most "vacationy" picture of the year? Winner!

So while on the cruise, Stefan and I were able to choose 2 excursions to do off boat, sans baby. As I love kayaking, we jumped at the clear bottom kayak and nature walk excursion in Grand Turk. 

Holland America uses local tour groups for their excursions, so no one from Holland America actually goes with you or is know to help you if you need it. You get off the boat and get picked up by the guide, who you hope actually is the guide, and off you go. On this excursion we got on a bus with a local driver who let us know right away that Grand Turk was the safest island. "No crime mon. Where else does the police station share a space with a bar?"

Um, I don't know? Hell?

"This Island is so safe. No one will steal from you. It is incredibly safe!"

The whole time he is saying this we are heading farther and farther away from the boat and I am thinking, "this is where he convinces us how safe we are, drives us out to nowhere, he and his friends take all our belongings and then say something piffy like, 'but it's not the safest today, mon.'" 

You know, a friendly robbery.

We get out to where we are going to kayak and I am still not convinced that all is well as we watch the bus and driver leave in a cloud of dust. Goodbye way to get back to the boat!

Of course, I just watch too many crime shows and everything is of course totally safe and fine...or is it? No, no, it totally is.

Now who is ready to kayak!?
This girl!

Who is ready to see some wildlife?
This guy!

Ring Ring...ring ring...

Yes, is Stefan there?

May I ask who is calling?

Yes, this is something totally disgusting.

Oh! Hi! Just one second.

STEFAN! Conch Shell for you! It's something totally disgusting!


So it should be a given that if one kayak tour goes great then the other kayak tour you signed up for should also go great. Right?

Our next stop was San Juan, Puerto Rico, which was about a charming as a strip mall in the rain forest...which is what it was...all strip malls in a rain forest.

Stefan and I had signed up for the night time, bioluminescent kayak tour. Cool right? 5 hours of tropical, magical beauty?

Oh, the first 2 hours are driving through rush hour traffic to the other side of the island past strip malls and Taco Bells in a bus with a guide who didn't even introduce herself...well that's ummm...all right, right?

Oh, did you say the driver would be on his cell phone and that there would be roaches on the bus?

Oh, did you say dinner was provided? Oh, but did you leave out that dinner was the bus pulling up to a strip mall where there was a McDonalds and a Taco Bell and that there would be an announcement that "this was last place for bathroom, you have 20 minutes."

20 minutes? To do what? Is this dinner? Hello? Is this for real?

Taco Bell for real.
(This is not THE Taco Bell we parked next to, but does that matter?)

You know what I do not think is a good idea? Eating Taco Bell before going on a 1.5 hour kayak trip. yikes.

Best part of the drive out there was this sign:

Ok, we get to the kayak place and we get geared up and head out for some night kayaking.
Now let me take a moment to say I actually really ejoyed the night kayaking. Kayaking in the dark is very cool. We were kayaking through very thin streams through the rain forest with crazy animal and jungle sounds. Stefan was great. We really have gotten great at kayaking together. Kayaking can be a relationship ender. We however are very honest and leave ego behind. The guides always say "ok, we need the strongest person in the back who is good with steering." Stefan is always the first to step forward so that I am in the back. We do have fun.

Ok back to being snarky.

Deeper and deeper into the forest we go until we break through the trees into this huge bay. Ok, bring on the bioluminescence! The pictures showed people glowing in the dark in the this...

I have no idea why I, Biz "there is no wonder left in the world" Lawrence, should have expected the above representation to be what we would find on this bioluminescent bay kayak tour.

Stefan seems to think this is what it was like. He was plenty impressed.

This, however is what I saw. I give my bioluminescent video.

When you are married to your best friend, you wind up making the same joke over and over again. We like to quote Jurassic Park. "Um, will there be any bioluminescence on your bioluminescence tour?"

Well, at least we have the 1.5 hour drive back to the boat.

Oh Biz!

Let's refocus, shall we? With Adorable Baby!
Untitled from Epic Family on Vimeo.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Guess Who Went on a Cruise

These Guys!
Hello PPPAers! Welcome me! Last week Stefan, Katy Belle and I went on a Caribbean Cruise courtesy of  his very considerate and generous parents. I can say with the utmost sincerity that it was REALLY, REALLY, NEEDED! Katy Belle's sleeping pattern had changed and she was waking up ALL the time and taking only 30 minute naps and I was back to work part time and I had gotten so tired that I was convinced that there was no going back to a time in which I wouldn't be tired. I had somehow gotten on the other side of tired and no amount of sleep would ever be my ticket back.

Prove me wrong cruise! Oh, you proved it. 

Actually, the "ticket" was having Stefan's folks with us on the ship. It's weird, but apparently, grandparents love spending time with their grandchild. Possibly more than their own child. Well, I don't understand it, but I'll reap the rewards! (translated to "sleep where I stand.")

So, we have a tremendous amount to cover, but I shall focus this post on some obligatory, "adorable baby photos" and formal night.

Obligatory Adorable Baby Photo "Dis-embarkment Wear"
Before we got on the boat we had to fill out a form admitting if we were currently sick...and more importantly we had to rat out anyone in our group who might be sick and might be lying about it. Katy Belle better keep her mouth shut!

We decided not to tell them that Katy Belle had not pooped in 3 days by the time we got on the boat. I am sure she can't stay constipated forever.

So let's get the relaxing started! Hello Lido deck!

Let's take a closer look at that cup holder on the stroller...

Obligatory adorable baby photo: A Little Taste of Greece Cruise Wear

Here is a tip, if you have brought a hat for your baby, you do not need to put suntan lotion on her head.
It just annoys the baby and is hard to get out of hair.

Here is Stefan's Mom with Katy Belle. I believe this is the only time she did not have her hands on her granddaughter. (I love this picture)
BAH! Baby coming at you! All hands on baby!
Now for formal night! So this cruise has 2 formal nights and all other nights are semi formal. Stefan and I went online and read all the cruise message boards where everyone really put an emphasis on how jeans were a major no no and how you would essentially be an outcast of you didn't really get dressed up. It being Stefan and I, we totally went crazy stressing out about clothes, only to realize that we were cruising with the rest of America and we shouldn't have worried.  There were plenty of jeans at dinner and no one was thrown overboard. So we just enjoyed looking great and, well, like each other.  (As the cruise went on, we got creepier and creepier in our looking alike.)

The Formal dinner was very nice. Sadly, we didn't get seated with anyone. Every time we went to dinner they would ask if we wanted to share a table, and we eagerly said yes, and were seated by ourselves. I wonder if they thought we were "too much" for the cruise crowd.

Does this look like "too much?"

Dinner was lovely, but hey we are on a cruise! Let's look at that dessert menu! Cheesecake, um hmmm, choclate cake, um hmmmm, ice cream, um hmmm...hello! What is this? "Delightful Fruit Swan?" Now that is what I am talking about.

"Yes. I will have the Delightful Fruit Swan, please."

"Oh boy. I can't wait for my Delightful Fruit Swan!"

Ta daaaaaa!

I guess this is delightful? Or should I say, I guess this is Delightfully Delicious! OH YEAH!

So there we have it. The first 2 days on the ship. Next up...excursions!
xoxo, Biz