Ellis & Barnes: Serious Mothers!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Great Red Lobster Date

Guess who went to Red Lobster?

These two people!

And these two people!

Oh yeah...check us out at the Red Lobster Bar in Times Square. I was pretty shocked at how packed it was at 6:30 on a Friday night in a city where I always assumed people came to go to places that they COULDN'T go in their own home town. Luckily Stefan called ahead.

HA HA HA. Really.

So Stefan and I took off for the bar, where we waited for 45 minutes (despite calling ahead) and enjoyed some cocktails. I had the top shelf margarita...which tasted like bar mix rather than the best maragrita this side of the border. Stefan had the top shelf Long Island Iced Tea. Just like Long Island it was full of crap. ZING! I am just kidding. I know nothing about Long Island at all, but I do know what is in the drink and if the contents of the drink reflect in anyway the contents of the island, I am not going there anytime soon.

Stefan loves "visiting" Long Island.

Anyway, we waited with baited breath for our Red Lobster pager to go off. Check out the sort of sad / creepy message on the back of the pager.

It says "Please return me to my owner. I cannot work away from my home or with any other system."

Disney already has the rights to the story of The Brave Little Red Lobster Pager. Samuel L. Jackson has agreed to provide the voice for the plucky little pager with attitude!

Hooray! It went off and up the elevator we went to the dining floor! We got a beautiful table in the corner...along with 200 other people.

Here is our waiter!

For some reason he was under the impression that we were on vacation! Uh, no! Doesn't everyoe come to Red Lobster on Friday night and take pictures and say things like "LOOK! Scampi!"

Here he is making a recomendation to Stefan.

"As this is your first time to the Lobster, I would recommend the Ultimate Feast...A succulent broiled Maine Lobster Tail, tender Snow Crab Legs, savory Shrimp Scampi & lightly breaded Fried Shrimp. "

Stefan thinks that will be PERFECT! Red Lobster is awesome! Biz will have the snow and alaskan crab leg platter please. YAY!

Time to finish those drinks before dinner!

Cheese Biscuits! Will Stefan Like them?


Here comes the FEAST!

How is it Stefan? Lobster-ific?

Get that crab meat Biz! GET IT!

Almost done...what now?

FUDGE OVERBOARD!!!!! All Hands on deck!

That fudge was OVERBOARD!

And here I am paying the check. Stefan better put out!

And now for random pictures from the Red Lobster Experience.

Friday, February 24, 2006


Were you the guy who showed up to take Helen to the Rocky Horror Picture Show only to be met at the door by my father in his underwear who then informed you that you would have to marry Helen Michelle now that you had seen him in all his glory.

(I have taken some liberties in retelling this story)

I just tried to call Laurie Crunk

And the number has been disconnected.

(If you don't know what I am talking about, go back and read the comments section of the Mystery Continues.)


Last I had heard about Laurie was that she was out in CA. I found some rock band where the lead singer attributed his inspiration to a Laurie Crunk. I totally believe this to be be Laurie. I also saw the articles in the University paper in T'town, including a picture that is unmistakably Laurie. See picture to left.

Well, i guess that leaves you TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!!!

Guess Who Is Going On A Classy Date Tonight?

Stefan is!

Thats right, I am taking my baby to Red Lobster.


We are going to go where:

"Do you have a birthday to celebrate? Or an anniversary? Or is it just Wednesday? Whatever day it is, it’s a great day to celebrate with a trip to Red Lobster. Go ahead. Indulge in all your seafood favorites, expertly prepared. After all, you deserve it. "

Stefan totally "deserves" this. Is that three types of shrimp? Delicious.

Apparently Red Lobster has the BEST margaritas this side of Mexico. That is a big claim.

I will be having the King Crab platter. Thats one pound of crap legs. Oh yeah!

This will be Stefan's first time at Red Lobster. How someone has managed to live there whole life and NEVER go to REd Lobster is beyond me, but that is why I was sent t teach him.


T-minus 5 hours till I bring out the seafood lover in me.

The mystery continues!

So here is the latest from my mysterious past.

Anonymous said...

Alright...I will creep you out some more...I don't think you were born yet, but the family did spend some time in Alaska when your dad was in the Air Force... I don't want you to loose any sleep over this because I had a stalker once and she sent a bunch of letters and I first thought "cool" some hot woman like Nicole Kidman or Catharine Zeta Jones is stalking me and then the stalker sent a picture and turns out she was 300 pounds, had no teeth, lived in a trailer, was slightly retarded, and rode around town on a bicycle with a helment...and that kind of ruined the whole hot stalker dream and then I started having nightmares about the real stalker making me squeal like a pig....You already have some subtle and not so subtle clues....and the mystery deepens...Did you know Yazoo City has this legend about some stupid witch that they killed and while they were killing her she said she would come back on May 25, 1904 and burn the town and it did burn on that date ??? Why did she pick May 25, 1904 ???
2:10 PM obviously this is a guy? Right? I mean the sqeal like a pig referance and the I hoped it was Nicole Kidman...(shudder...i would find her way creepier) lines clearly indicate guy.

Then they go on!

Anonymous said...

Here is a link to that retarded witch story....

Did your mom ever tell you that story? It just kind of pisses me off... like that whole face in the courthouse window story from Carrolton in Pickens looks like some 4 year old got up there and painted it and the whole town bought it and now pushes it as some tourist thing...
2:15 PM

OH MY GOD! Who is this?

Ok...this is freaking me out. I could easily think this was somebody i have known recently but you know Slattery and Mrs. Mc Nair...and those are super specific and I haven't mentioned their names in god knows how long, and you know details about my family but are off just enough to only be remembering my folks were in Alaska, but Papa was in the army not the Air Force. CRAZY!

Jordi, just so you know, my Mama was from Yazoo City, MS.

And the ghost from Pickens County...thats awesome!

Do you remember the old Tuscaloosa Library, that was supposedly haunted and the attic window could never be fixed? Ok, I am getting disctracted from the real mystery...WHO IS THIS!?

So this has to be someone I knew really well. A guy. Who somehow found this blog...which is really weird. Did you find it through someone or on your own? IS this Martin? It can't be. There is no reason for this to be Martin.

Does my diary ring any bells? Did I want to "grub" with you?

Can you tell me why I never had Mrs. Mc Nair? This is a trick question.

Are you still in T'town?

Do you have any hilarious old pictures of me that you could post that would freak us all out?

Jordi!? Help! Do you have any questions? I feel like I am playing that Law and Order Computer game and BLOWING IT! BLOWING IT!


Thursday, February 23, 2006


All I want is for you to purr the alphabet into my ear in your lowest register possible.

Attention Diary Fans

There may be a person from my past lurking on this blog! How exciting, especially since i don't know anyone from those days anymore.

Here is the exciting exchange from the comments section:

Anonymous said... you ever read these comments ??? Mrs. McNair in latin Class says vini, vidi, vici to you...
1:13 AM

Ok, wow...i read this and thought, Mrs. McNair...that was a name of a teacher from my old high school, but I don't think I had her. Is this some weird guess by someone? Is this my sister? But I doubt my sister reads this and my latin teacher was some other guy.

So I reply:

Biz and/or Jordi said...
Who is this?My Latin teacher was Mr., well I can't remember his name, but he was awful at teaching latin and let us cheat on our exams.
10:27 AM

This morning I remembered his name was Slattery and I come to the board to post it and find THIS! (insert dramatic music)

Anonymous said...
I forget that dude's name...maybe Mr . Slattery, but there was some other dude who was kind of a fan of Brokeback that taught Latin ... Mrs. Hitson is a principal now...she taught your special ed class...
1:49 AM

BAM! They know Mr. Slattery, so it is definately someone who went to Central High School. The language is to "hip" to be my sister. So who is this? Wait! Unless this is Martin Wilson, who I friendster with, but would Martin make such a reference to Martin is gay and this seemed a little hetero in usage. Have I read too many detective novels and read too much into the brokeback line?

Who is this person? You must tell me...I am sure that the 5 other people who read this blog (which was never really advertised that much outside of a small group of people, which is making me wonder how someone from T'town would know about it) would love to know who this is.

Were you someone I mentioned in my diary? gasp! how embarrassing!

I am so intrigued! Who can it be? I have tried to rememebr last names from the diary and I have googled them all to no avail.

Jordi! Isn't this exciting?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The great New Year's Eve Undertaking

Hello beloved PrincessPonyPartyAmazing readers...all 5 of you...and I think my mother because I have seen that Charter users have been here and she is the only charter user I know....anyway, you are in for a real TREAT.

I have come to share photos with you from the trip to the cabin that Stefan and I took for New Year's weekend. We rented this place because it was easy to get to, on a mountain, had a fireplace, had a hot tub and most importantly had a karaoke machine.

What? Do you think Stefan and I are uncomfortable singing karaoke by ourselves...for hours? WRONGO! We love it.

So we rent a car from the airport and head out....taking a brief detour to a we both had not been to a mall in years (no malls in NYC really) and have discussed many times that we both think we would really enjoy going to a mall together. WE DID! It was awesome.

We get to the cabin that was kinda crappy...ha ha ha...i mean it was all right and to be honest I would stay there again, but wow...

Lets just say that somebody LOVES Glade Plug Ins...and its not Stefan...or me when there are several glad plug ins going at once.

So here are the pictures.

Here are your, proudly displaying the fireplace.

And out Burt Reynolds.

Here is am enjoying one of the MANY Glade Plug Ins. This made it smell of spring....kinda.

There were HILARIOUS Christmas decorations around...that crazy Stefan is trying to make that deer drink! LOOK OUT STEFAN!

Not Santa! Stefan!

Look at all of our activities that we brought but never did...a kitty paint by numbers, a puzzel, some movies, my cell phone, and a book! WOW!

Now, here is our favorite thing about the cabin...apparently, the owners try to make each visit special, like if it was Valentines day they would leave candles and candy. For new years...the left this "Party Kit." It was so...well, sad. "Hey, you two people staying in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, enjoy these party hats and horns...."

And brother....did we! WEEEEEEE!

And here is the scene of carnage...the site where i sliced my finger open while cutting onions for chili. It was pretty bloody and i actually had to lie down for a second. The bleeding just wouldn't stop!

And now for the delicious chili! Is that blood i taste? GROSS BIZ!

As the new year approached, Stefan and I kissed under the mistletoe...candle. Wow. Romantic.

Then we passed out from TOO MUCH FUN!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Oh Yay

It published half my post and left out the best part of all...a short instructional video on how Snake-A-Way snake repellant works.

Now the snakes will come for sure...

Putting It Off = More Putting It Off

Biz has been blogging like crazy and thank goodness, because I sure haven't! Jesus! What IS that frog really? All I know is that it made me laugh really hard - and now I probably have cancer from looking at it. Guh indeed!

I have a zillion excuses - but they're all true! I have another card that I can't play because it's kind of health related...but I guess I just kind of played it by mentioning it. Everything is fine - I'm staying after work to make sure something goes here from me; I put things off even more when I think about them constantly. Does that make sense? I feel like Biz has been asking me to play on the see-saw with her and I say: "Sure!". I then, hop off the see-saw running toward the swings and then I make her fall and she hurts her ass and I don't say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for leaving you for the swings, Biz! I'm a whore. Okay...

I've been wanting to write, I've been wanting to come up with brilliance to match my co-Princess, (seriously!) but work has been insane (I can email, because it doesn't look like I'm blogging), and my beloved has needed to use the computer to do producer-ey things for the new show.

And now


So Stefan and I DESPERATELY need a humidifier and I went to go look for some that really said "Stefan and Biz."

I thought this might be hard, because, you know...its a humidifier...but then I found this.

WOW! Its hilarious and a humidifier. Upon clicking on the picture to enlarge, I found this picture.

Which is creepy. That frog is so clearly pasted into that picture and it looks HUGE compared to the kid and everything else in the room and the longer I look at it, the more I think the frog is POISONING the kid!

Then I discover that there is a whole line of killer humidifier animals...all after the same kid!

Yikes! That cat is in a raincoat! A frog humidifier, yes...a cat? Well no sir!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Valentine death threats

I do.

Apparently Stefan and my new V'day tradition is death threats.

Yesterday morning the alarm went off, i leaned over to shut it up and then, as I rolled back into my darling Stefan's arms, he murmerd softly in my ear..."I'm going to kill you."


And then as if this makes it any better, he quickly says, "that was dream talk, i was dreaming."

Of what? Killing me?

"No, no, I love you...that wsa just dream talk and i didn't know i was saying it...I would never kill you."

Well thank god...i guess.


xoxo, biz

Monday, February 13, 2006


My personal Hell is known as Lamp Light Lane as painted by Thomas Kinkade.

Thomas Kinkade is the devil.

More so that Rupert Murdoch.

I mean look at Lamp Light Lane! Look at it! The sky is pain and the river is poison! There is no question that the house is made from a 1000 baby corpses.


Though wasted on crappy beer like Bud Light.

I caught this commercial last night and it made me laugh.

I wanna give a special shout out to Stefan who introduced me to Google can do anything! Except get married.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Tastes like Depression

You know what this "Party Mix" tastes like? It tastes like that birthday party you had where only one guy showed up, and he's not the guy you like, but he has called all your firends and told them that you cancled the party so that he could be with you alone, then he smokes all your weed and eats all your food and tries to kiss you, then passes out with his hands down his pants on your couch.

That's what this party mix tastes like.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

Kirk or PIcard

After reading Jack's post about Theivery (see below) he got me thinking about Star Trek: Next Generation.

I am a big Star Trek geek over all and love both shows, but have always been torn between which Captain was sexier.

Kirk or Picard?

I decided that catch phrases woudl be helpful in deciding.

"Beam me up." eh...kinda sexy.

"Engage" ummmm....ok!!!

"Take us out." yikes

"Make it so Number 1." Make it so number 1 indeed! HOT!

Picard wins. Play that tin whistle you sexy beast!

Yay Picard.

xoxo, Biz