"CRANK": MY BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE-YAAAAA!

So....this new movie "Crank" starring Jason Statham (from one of my favorites, "Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels".) Ted and I were talking about it, and he had the best description:

ME: What's it about again?

TED: He can't stop being extreme or he'll die. Literally. He MUST keep being extreme or he WILL die.

ME: Is it like "Speed"....

TED:...but it's a person not a bus? Yes. Exactly.

ME: That's crazy......good crazy!

Part of me is going to see this.
-J.

Why hello, Ponies. You caught me packing my suitcase. Where am I going? Los Angeles. What will I be doing?

Buckle in for what I have planned - a Night of Cool...

(In order of stops):

The Giddy Cobra - (An old haunt of William Holden and Audrey Hepburn. Pre-drink-drinks. Gil Potatoshoes still takes requests on the piano.)

God - (New restaurant – pronounced ‘Yode’. Dinner snacks. Try the strawberries, lobster and cocoa powder sorbet. It’s 7th chakra-worthy.)

Abject - (New bar - after dinner / pre-oxygen drinks…all the tables are invisible and the whole place is made to look like the inside of a mid century modern Butterfinger.)

Heir - (New oxygen bar – post oxygen-pre-pre-nightcap…the whole place is made to look like the inside of your mother’s womb if it were a rockabilly bar or a Chevron.)

1975 Rec Room - (New bar - pre nightcap...the whole place is made to look like a rec room circa 1975 Boise, Idaho Summertime. A real grandma (owner Sally Kirkland) interrupts your ping-pong game with a plate of cookies and all the couches smell like chlorine and popcicles.)

The Gifted Clam - (An old haunt of William Holden and Audrey Hepburn. Nightcap. Minsky Snuggle still takes requests on the piano.)

Sound like a plan?
Sounds like one to me.
AND HOW!
-J.

Coming soon: Biz and Stefan's great West Coast Vacation

Say Hi Nerdbot!

This is Nerdbot and he came on vacation with us after appearing in MEAT's performance at the Best of the Best Sketch fest!

We are just doing a quality check on these pics real qucik and if systems are go, so are we!

IF YOU VALUE THE FUTURE OF SMART COMEDY - PLEASE VOTE!

HI PRETTY PONIES,
The following was passed on by MEAT - Sketch Comedy Well Done.
They have an amazing opportunity to share what they've created - with lots and lots and lots of soon-to-be-MEAT-fans! Of all the sketch groups I admire, MEAT is the one I would take a bullet for. Biz, Livia, Becky & Regs - my dream for your World Domination is near:

NOW READ THIS!

1. THIS THURSDAY, AUGUST 24th, vote for MEAT in the New York TV Festival ~ Sponsored by IFC & MSN.Your vote will help us make history by becoming the first all female sketch group on US television and get that much closer to filming our pilot. Yeah dreams! We've already been selected to the top 50 (from thousands of applicants), now we need your help to make it to the final round!!! "The finalists emerging from this online competition will be invited to pitch their idea in front of a celebrity panel of executives live at the 2006 Festival. The winner of this final event will receive a deal from a network partner of the NYTVF to create an original pilot program from the winning pitch."If you'd like to see our pitch in advance, (apparently we look "hot") here are the steps:
Video.msn.comClick on the "Entertainment" tab.Under "Specials", click on NYTVFWe are page 3.
Thursday is the ONLY day you can vote for MEAT. Voting runs 12 a.m. - 12 a.m. PST (3 a.m. - 3 a.m. EST)Each pitch is only eligible for voting one day (Thursday Aug 24th, MEAT) When the time comes, click here and vote! http://tv.msn.com/nytvf/contest

VOTE MEAT! VOTE MEAT! VOTE MEAT! VOTE MEAT! VOTE MEAT!

-J.

Who's a Secretary? (ME!)

Yep.

Not that it's really post-worthy...but I'm a real secretary having a real secretary lunch. Usually I can be found having some high falutin' meal such as a slice of pizza (ITALY!) or a burritto (MEXICO!), but today, I'm going back to my secretarial roots. I'm even eating it at my desk. And yes....I'm wearing an awfully sexy pair of glasses, Spanky. So....

What's For Lunch?:

1. Yogurt! - Secretaries live for yogurt. I'm having Albertsons Swiss Style Vanilla, but last week would've found me cuddled up to Blueberry. Secretaries need their calcium (it's true!) and yogurt provides everything to help prevent secretaries from bending over so their bones stick that way and they can't straighten up. I'm three spoonfuls away toward good bone health!

2. Banana! - Just like monkeys, secretaries love bananas and dipping it in yogurt is boss! Bananas provide potassium and if you eat one before bed, your dreams can get really weird. Like the one I had about you!

3. Cup-O'-Soup! - Cup-O-Soup and secretaries have had a love/hate relationship that goes back to the day this convenient snack was invented. Secretaries loved how they could make this soup in no time, and still have a few minutes to read "True Confessions". Bosses loved how the typing pool could keep a-tat-tat-tatting without a needless lunch interruption for their assistants. Who wins? Well...looks like me as I got the last Chicken Noodle!

4. Orange Juice Box With Tiny Straw - Vitamin C all the way! / A road to health we'll meet one day! (<----I wrote that! HAHA!)

Now I'm full....of a well balanced meal!

Like Lunch?
What did YOU have today?
Write and tell us!
Biz & Barnes
Princess Pony Party Amazing
Pokey Stick, USA

Isn't That a Nun's Job?!

True story: On the train this morning I sat directly behind a nun. During the trip, I sneezed very loudly twice. She didn't bless me once. Nothing. She kept right on reading her nun book (which wasn't the bible, but something with a chapter called: "God Hears!"). I know she wasn't deaf because someone asked her how she was: ("Fine, thank you") and also - I wildly gesture when I sneeze.

What gives? Of course I wasn't going to challenge the nun (I just never, ever would challenge a nun like that - also I could see the scenario going the way of Larry David) - but isn't that kind of what they do?

I'm sorry....I guess even though I'm not religious, I expect a nun to bless someone when they sneeze.

Unless....she wanted the demons to stay inside me.

Boy, I must reek of asshole.
-J.

PS - But wouldn't Jesus (if he was real) help assholes?

Apologies to Geoff Haggerty: Baseball Star

Hi Geoff from Elephant Larry.

I stood you up on Horrible Photoshop Day and I feel like I let you down. I let Biz down. I let The Pony down. I let myself down and all those teenage girls who look up to us. Because I wasn't able to post my Horrible Photoshop Day pictures, some teens out there probably now have an eating disorder.

To all those teens with eating disorders and crushed dreams due to me standing up Geoff Haggerty Baseball Star from Elephant Larry: I'M SORRY.

Also...does anyone want to buy me some really expensive Who tickets?
J.

Check us out!

Its your awesome hosts Biz and Jordi!

Hi us!

Guess what I can't wait for...PORTLAND BEST OF THE BEST SKETCHFEST!

YAY! This is my favorite festival. I get to play with Jordi...IN PERSON! We are going to the Enchanted Forest! Then Stefan and I stick around the Great North West for vacation, which i so desperately need. I am teetering on the edge of sanity here and need some time away.

Where it is not BOILING HOT!

It is day three of the swealtering heat in NYC...my prediction? Black out 2006...by end of day.

Now, for other stuff...did you see the new MEAT videos?

Here is The Classy Abuser starring my hands..oh and Livia.

Enjoy!