Vegas Part II: What's Going On?

Hello PPPA's!

Welcome to Part II of the vegas experience. I like to call it "What is Going On?" Cause these pictures are crazy! You look at them and you want to say "What is going on?"

Oh, also....guess who went to Vegas....

THESE GUYS!

But where are Biz and Stefan?

With this Guy!

But more on that later!

And now....WHAT IS GOING ON?

It's 7am and no one has been to sleep yet! WHAT IS GOING ON?

This picture makes me a little sick. TOO MANY MAN NIPPLES! What is going on?!

Who is number one?

ME! Who needs a tan? Me and Dusty!!

And now this should make you uncomfortable.

WHAT IS GOING ON!?

"Its ok Little Kevin from Home Alone Doll. I will protect you from the evil Dusty."

"You can never stop me...from fogging up this mirror! You will never be safe Kevin from Home Alone Doll! NEVER!

MWA HA HA!"

"I'm Scared!" says Ted!

"SLEEP!" says the evil Dusty!"

"Nighty Night Ted!"

"Don't be weak!" says Jordi!

"Ha ha ha! I guess I love that man no matter what! But not that damn Randy Newman!" says Jordi!

RANDY NEWMAN! GROSS!

WHAT IS GOING ON!?

VROOM VROOM goes Britt!

VROOM VROOM goes Dusty!

"Hey Dusty..I need to get to Prom and meet Stefan. Can you Help me?

"Oh Thank you! Ooooo la la! Its A Very Special Barry Manilow Under The Stars In Vegas On A Bridge Themed Prom! How magical! Don't we look the pair!"

Don't be silly! Thats not a bump! WHAT IS GOING ON?

And now, my friends....that concludes the end of Vegas Part II: What is Going on? Turns out I don't have as many Barry Pictures as I would like as I was frozen in his greatness. So The 3rd installment will shift from "Barry Manilow, Barry Manilow, Barry Manilow!" to "All The World Loves a Buffet!"

And now...helloooooo ladies!

WHAT IS GOING ON!

Vegas Part 1: The Luxor

Hello PPPA's!

Guess who stayed at the Luxor?

These guys!

So, Stefan and I headed to Sketch Camp Vegas a day early as we wanted to stay in one of the themed hotels and fart around a little extra. Stefan made reservations on one of those hotel.com sites for the Luxor Hotel at a really reasonable rate. We flew in directly Thursday night from NYC and landed around...ehhh...10ish pm. We got to the hotel around 11 and made our way to the counter to check in.

Now this hotel is pretty cool. I mean, Carrot Top is there...hello! There are lots of egyptian statues and...well, a GIANT Pyramid, and poorly themed rooms like Cairo Cafe. Actually, that isn't bad, cause I made it up, their's were more like "King Tuts Arcade" which isn't all that creative...but again, the hotel was cool..Carrot Top, Pyramid.

We get to the counter and the "check in lady" pulls up the reservation and says "Oh, since you are here for only one night, it looks like they have put you in a nice room."

Uh. Ok. I wonder what that means?

IT MEANS.....
A foyer and a $30 certificate towards room service!

Bathroom number 1!

"Hello, Stefan? Where Are you??

"I'm in THE KITCHEN! OH YEAH!"

Here is a shot from the bedroom of the dining room and on the other side of whatever Stefan is doing, is the den (next to the foyer and #1 bathroom, in case you were keeping track).

Here we are looking over Stefan from the den view, across the dining room and into the bedroom.

"Don't be too sexy Stefan or you will enrage the Gods themselves!"

Oh no! You have awakended the God of stereotypes! The Bangles will surely be upon us! (damn, i look good!)

The Gods have decided to not exact their revenge, but instead, give us miniature soaps and shampoos....here in BATHROOM NUMBER TWO!

With...

A jacuzzi bath tub!

And...

Giant shower!

"Boy, i need to rest on this bed...hey, what is this remote for?"

Oh...MY... GOD!

A TUTENVISION!

MAGICAL!

"Stefan! Roar!"

What a view!

"Stefan! What will those people think?"

Who says all there is in Vegas in gambling? There are obviously GUNS!

Wowee, wow, wow! BANG!

And let us not forget that Vegas is also known for its ART!

And Amore....

Sketch Camp Las Vegas

Guess who went to Vegas....like a month ago?

These guys!

Oh yeah, its your lovely PrincessPonyPartyAmazing hosts, Jordi and Biz. God we are hot.

So it HAS been about a month since the great Sketch Camp Getaway took place and I am now ready to share it with you. There will be Three parts:

1. The Luxor and Biz and Stefan "Have a day!"

2. What's Going On?

and

3. Barry Manilow, Barry Manilow, Barry Manilow!

What was this sketch camp trip you ask? Well, the sketch comedy community is getting bigger and bigger and making friends has NEVER been easier! So after a lot of idle talk about how we should all get together outside of a festival, we decided to pull this excursion together.

What better place to relax and have the quiet and reflective time to really get to know each other...THAN VEGAS!?

And what better way to go than to pretend you are a religious group? Ok, so this theme really only went as far as t-shirts and informational packets. But here is the AWESOME t-shirt design that my man Stefan made!

Come on...thats pretty believable right?

So sit back and enjoy PPPA readers...Sketch Camp Las Vegas!

xoxo, Biz

It's time to: RATE LATE-NIGHT VOCATIONAL SCHOOL ADS!

Pssst! Lovers of Learning!
How do you pick a vocational school?
Do what I, (a graduate and class speaker of the 10-Week Course at the International Air Academy) did!

Judge a school by its advertisement on late-night television - and then enroll the fuck out of that shit!

When I decided to devote 10 whole weeks to the IAA (as we Alumni call it), it was down to a few questions; 'Where?' and 'What?' were biggies, but how was I going to make that decision? That's where Late Night Television came in and was able to make me see what a visit to the actual campus couldn't.

Here are some of the past contenders and a overall view of what their ads had to offer:

APOLLO COLLEGE:
(Jingle: "Look how far your mind can take you! / With Apollo College!")

This ad shows a wistful girl strolling across one of Apollo College's many two gardens. She looks dreamily toward the sky as if looking directly at her Apollo College memories which are shown in a montage above her Sade looking head.

Shown are the good times...or is it a glimpse of the future? Maybe she just graduated and wanted to roam the Apollo College one more time as kind of a victory lap? Who knows? What we do know, is that it looks like she is having the time of her life checking dental charts while an old lady nods and smiles, and it also looks like the same time of her life is being had while she nods and smiles at another patient while ticking things off of her clipboard. Then there's the time she held the stethascope to the heart of a little girl's plush bear (awwwww) ...man the A.C. is a great time! There she is hugging her Apollo College friends...and what looks like a very special teacher. The one she is allowed to date now.

Now the ad is back to reality. Our heroine dental assistant/medical assistant keeps strolling as the camera pans back to reveal the mighty campus of Apollo College (which is actually located in a mall) and she smiles the most private of smiles. The smile of someone who is in store for some seriously good lookin' & free dental care.

THE WESTERN CULINARY INSTITUTE:
(Jingle: None - but 'go-getter' thumpy music inspires throughout).

Cut that cake! Carve that meat! Put that thing on the pastry!

That's what life looks like at The Western Culinary Institute. Even without the ad, they were a narrow escape in my elimination process. This isn't because it looks like a crappy school - oh no.

The Western Culinary Institute is actually hailed as one of the top cooking schools in the nation...it's just that it was two blocks away from where I used to live, so my whole building was lousy with chef students. Also - these people looked very mean. You'd walk by their alley and it was the kind of silence you'd (not) hear right before a gun-fight in the Old Town Square, and then realise that about twelve sets of eyes were on you. You'd turn around to see a group of chefs just staring and smoking at you. It was my husband who first pointed that part out. He used to stay in the area (a block away from me and the Western Culinary Institute) and one day he said: "Have you ever noticed the chefs...really noticed them...like they notice us?" From that day on, I smoked and stared back...anyway...the ad: A lot of action shots of carving and decorating various foods to music. Not much to tell, but again - probably a great school. I just didn't want to live and breathe The Western Culinary Institute. What was I afraid of? Probably becoming addicted to the student-chef lifestyle.

THE INTERNATIONAL AIR ACADEMY:
(Jingle: "Inter-na-tion-al Aiiiiir Ac-AH-DAH-meeeee..." *smoooooth jazz sax*)

Did I want to travel to far away lands? (YES!)
Did I want to live the life of a born traveller? (YES!)
Did I want to see the world and travel to distant lands? (YES!)
Did I want to travel? The world? And see the world through travelling? (YES!)

It didn't matter that this question was asked a zillion diferent ways. The ad got me with it's scenes of stewardesses in crisp blue trailing their rolling suitcases, scarves tied just so around their necks, sauntering off of planes, laughing gaily as they meet up with thier other steward & stewardess friends. "What a flight!" their shared looks seemed to say, "I'll say! But it's so worth it! Being a steward or stewardess is fun!" The ad showed these people at work and at play as they accepted drinks off of trays adorned with exotic flowers, as they looked out onto the ocean.
Even the Reservations Department in these ads made it look like booking flights was the new great sex-glow, so you should learn how to do this right now!

It completely worked on me. I made fun of the ads every time I saw them and did a retarded lip-synching of the jingle...but in my heart of hearts, I really wanted to be a stewardess.
Not a flight attendant. A stewardess.

Flight attendants ask if you'd like the steak or chicken. Stewardesses purrr if you'd like the steak or chicken. I was going to enroll in this school, get one of their loans, ace all the classes and become the gal who would single-handedly bring back The Stewardess and smoking on planes. That was my mission.

Only....to become a stewardess, (I found out) you'd better be willing to live like a 22 year-old college student, be paid like one working part-time, be willing to be on call literally 24 hours a day, seven days a week, willing to take shitty routes and also be willing to kiss your social life a huge goodbye for a long, looooong time. The hoops to jump through to reap the wonderful benefits (which aren't a lie) are too many to mention...and the benefits really kick in after around 5 - 10 years of really excellent service. I guess I don't have that kind of patience.

I'm still glad I went, though. If I ever changed my mind, I've got paperwork I can use. And I have one hell of a wiggle in my gait.

Is there a special school you'd like us to know about?
Write us!
Biz & Jordi
Old Goat Funhouse, USA
--J.

"WHAT'S VAN DAMME-PENING?"

Just as this image indicates, I'm supposed to be packing to move next weekend...but there's a "What's Happening?" marathon on TV Land! Agh!
Do you know what that's exactly like?
It's like asking naked Jean Claude Van Damme to hold up two baby lions and then pick one!

Dilema? You're telling me!

-J.

(It's time for...) TOP FIVE IRRATIONAL FEARS!

I know these things will probably never happen, but I also think these things will probably happen. In no particular order except for Number One.

5. MEDIA SCARE RAPIST:
Every time I hear the words: "On the loose!" from newscasters pertaining to a rapist or murderer, I picture a ferral looking bearded bear-man (Kris Kristofferson) in a yellow jumpsuit crashing through my window like Kool-Aid, the very second it's mentioned. In my head it goes like this:

NEWSCASTER: An escaped rapist is still on the loose ---
(pshhhhhhh!!!! - window breaks in my living room)

KRIS KRISTOFERSON-MAN: Grrr! I'm here to rape you!

ME: NO, rape-bear! (Die-thud).


4. CRAZY TIME WARP ME-GETTING-HIT-BY-SOMETHING-HUGE:
Okay, This will probably never happen, but I think about it every single time I cross the street after a bus, a truck or a very fast & large vehicle drives by: 'What if I only think the bus has just passed, but I'm really three seconds ahead of everything else time-wise?' I picture the bus hitting me just as I'm crossing the street. Every time.

3. SHARK HIDDEN UNDER MECHANICAL TRAP DOOR IN DEEP END OF POOL:
This isn't so much of a big scare anymore. Mostly because I haven't made swimming a regular part of my daily routine in a long time. I love the water. I really do. You couldn't get me out of the pool or ocean and night swimming was a huge, huge deal, but there were times when I felt more secure when I had someone in a pool with me. Why? Because of the mechanical trap door that would open in the deep end, releasing the Great White (of course). What got me to have this fear was one of my sister's surfer friends telling me that sharks roar like lions, and hearing it underwater is basically the aural equivalent of a night terror. Oddly enough today, I wouldn't mind taking a shark dive at all. I would'nt. Just not in a pool. Because that's where they really live.

2. GRAVITY QUITS - WE ALL SHOOT UP INTO THE SKY AND EXPLODE:
I'm no scientist, but I do picture the exploding. All of us. And immediately!

1. SNAKES! SNAKES! SNAKES!:
Coming out of the toilet, jumping up from the garbage can, falling on my head in the garage, waiting to shiv me in the basement, laughing at me as they chew my face off (in the shower when there's shampoo in my eyes), making me fall from a tree as I swing from vine to vine but then one of the 'vines' is actually a snake....you name it. They hate me, have heaps of armies...and are waiting.

So there you have it!
--J.

Peter is My New Hero

THIS IS MY FRIEND MEREDITH'S 14 YEAR OLD BROTHER, PETER!

This is him on Halloween dressed as "Mr. Six: The Man From All Those Six Flags Commercials".

Apparently he did the dance all over his school and has a wonderfully sick sense of humor.

When I was fourteen, I wasn't cool enough to be this cool. I was too busy trying to be 'cool'!

Which made me extremely uncool.

Remember this 'Other Sketch Troupes' - we saw Peter first!

And Peter? You keep being you! You're exactly what we all wished we could've been:
Naturally cool.

I am crowning you as Princess Pony Party Amazing's "IT" Boy for April.

Get ready Peter - your life is about to change!

Starting with this giant bag of money! (Here!)

Peter - I've never met you, and I'm pretty sure I'm scaring you...

But I'm in awe of you.
And not in a creepy way, as Meredith will attest. She talks about you in awe as well.

Stay Cool!

Sincerely,
Your Cool Sister Meredith's Friend,
Jordi.

But Do I Like Them Enough?

I'm talking about The Coldplay.

Coldplay. They have never pissed me off.

I've had discussions with Ted (not ones going too deeply, which is a sign of their non-commital status in my mental record collection) about how Coldplay is a good solid band with a good solid sound; sometimes they're wistful and dream-like. They have aural 'layers' which I'm sure sound amazing on headphones. I KNOW they'd sound amazing on headphones. I've liked every one of their songs so far and (unlike Randy Newman) they have never pissed me off. So why don't I own a Coldplay album? I just don't know. And I'm sure you don't care, but I'm in a lull of boredom today and I just heard Coldplay, I turned them up just slightly and that just got me thinking.

What am I waiting for? Is it that maybe a little Coldplay goes a long way? Is it that they didn't grab me by the throat as other bands have done in the past, making me their slave for months and months as I listened to nothing else? Are they too 'pretty' sounding in the way that if something tragic happens, I'll never be able to listen to them ever again? Are they strictly for slo-mo tragedies?

I bet that's it. No that's it!

Coldplay is music to watch your wife die in childbirth as you hold your baby for the first time-by.

Well good. Mystery solved.
-J.

ENJOY!

SWEET! Randy Newman Fight - The Randy Newman Play

Wow...Jordi is SO controversial.

Jordi, please stop being so edgy on our blog.

I have a play I would like to share....

Setting: 1000 years in the future.

Voice Over:
The year is 3006. It is ONE THOUSAND YEARS IN THE FUTURE! The Evil Dr. Susan's plan to dominate the world with Randy Newmans had succeded. When the great war of Randy Newmans ended in 2008, the world was left on the brink of ruin. The human race was dying out and the Randy Nemwans seemed to multiply by the millions on earth and BEYOND! Randy Newmans became the dominant race. A few rebellious humans escaped earth in their Levitra Machine to the far reaches of the galaxy. Together, with the help of incredible electronics and SCIENCE, this band of punks will stop at nothing to destroy the Randy Newmans and their leader Susan! *

*Susan has never aged as a result of drinking the magical blood of Randy Newman's.*
* Randy Newmans are like peanuts, and Susan is like George Washington Carver, She has found a million uses for Randy Newmans!

(Present Day- Randy Newman 4, 3006)

Randy Newman: (a young girl of 8) Randy Newman, why are we all called Randy Newman?

Randy Newman: (A young mother of 29) Because my precious, it is only that we can live in peace and harmony, without war or famine or thinking or trying very hard, by living as Randy Newman.

Randy Newman: Thanks mom, I am sorry to have ever questioned it. It is so much nicer to be Randy Newman than an individual. There is something so repetitive and almost hypnotic about living the Randy Newman Way. Besides, I wouldn't want to upset the Randy Newmans again, or their leader Susan. I guess I got all these silly ideas in my head when i brought home that Mister Mister albumograph.

Randy Newman: YOU DID WHAT? Quick! Get rid of it. Don't even think about it! Oh Randy Newman, What have you done Randy Newman, What have you done!?

(Randy Newmans fly in on Speeder Geotron Banana Bikes and Kill Randy Newman)

The End

Biz