Gosh, you look just like...

a lot of people. I use the term "people" lightly. When someone says to me "you look just like..." 2 out of 3 times its fictional character.

For example, through most of high school and college I got, "Hey, you look just like...

...Velma!"

And like Velma, I was great at solving mysteries, but not the mysteries of boys. awwwwww yeah.

In my 20's I got, "Hey, you look like...

...Daria"

(Oh, I still do...if only in attitude. Ok, and looks and body language.)

Most recently I get, "Hey Biz, are you in that new...

...Yahoo ad?"

No. No I am not. I will admit that I had to do a double take.

creepy

Meanwhile...

*Brrrriiiiiiing...Brrrriiiiiing...*

ALI LOHAN: H-h-*gulp* Hell-llo?

LINDSAY LOHAN: Ugh-*gulp* A-a-ali?

ALI LOHAN: L-l-lindsay? *gulp, cry* Are you crying too?

LINDSAY LOHAN: Y-y-yes. Are y-you? *cry*

ALI LOHAN: Y-yes! I'm crying too!

BOTH: *CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Ohmigod, Ali! The world is s-s-s-so... *WAAAAH*

ALI LOHAN: Ohmigod, I KNOW!

BOTH: *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: Why are you crying? *sniff*

LINDSAY LOHAN: My heart is hurting!

ALI LOHAN: No one is buying your leggings. I'm so sorry! *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: It's just that... The...the WORLD! *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: I KNOW, RIGHT? *CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Yesterday I was all to my friends: "I'm hopping on a plane to go fuck Jude Law tomorrow in Brazil"...*cry*

ALI LOHAN: *sniff* And?

LINDSAY LOHAN: *sniff* Okay, so... NO ONE CARES! *CRY*

ALI LOHAN: I HATE MY LIFE!

BOTH: *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: Where are you? *sniff*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Yacht. *cry*

ALI LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Where are you? *sniff*

ALI LOHAN: A yacht. *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

ALI LOHAN: But where are you though? *sniff*

LINDSAY LOHAN: On the water. *cry*

ALI LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: But where are you on a map? *sniff*

ALI LOHAN: Blue part *cry*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Me too! *cry*

BOTH: *CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Everyone on this boat is all shiny and Russian! *CRY*

ALI LOHAN: That's bullshit! *CRY* Why?

LINDSAY LOHAN: I don't know! *cry* It's just really stupid! *CRY*

ALI LOHAN: AND PEOPLE ARE DYING! *WAIL*

LINDSAY LOHAN: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAID! *WAIL*

ALI LOHAN: We have to stop people *sniff* because if we don't, who will?

LINDSAY LOHAN: NO ONE WILL! *cry* WHO WILL STOP THE PEOPLE?

ALI LOHAN: I'm so...*CRY*

LINDSAY LOHAN: Hungry? *sniff*

ALI LOHAN: YES EXACTLY!

LINDSAY LOHAN: OH, BUT THE CHILDREN! *WAIL*



J.

Hey, Taco Bell...

Go fuck yourself.

G-G-G-GhooooOOOOOOOOoooooost!

Screen Actors Guild Awards, you're one helluva class act. By showing clips of Patrick Swayze from his hit film Ghost as a ghost walking toward Heaven at the end of the In Memoriam montage really drove the point home.

J.

I Like Being a Housewife

"The Camptown ladies sing this song! / Doo-dah! Doo-dah!..."

Repeat just this one part thirty-two times and then keep on doing it every ten minutes and there you have my day. But I don't mind.

What I do mind is having my lunch stolen out of the fridge by a project manager who would make ten times more than I did, or architects and engineers who would give me their personal mail to take care of on my way home from the office when I worked as a Girl Friday. I will take the beginning bars over and over of a tinkly, tinny version of Camptown Races coming out of a Little Mermaid pushy-car over being asked to lead my co-workers in a mumbling office dirge of Happy Birthday. No sirs & missuses, I don't miss working a nine to five. Not right now, anyway.

I can be contradicting. I'm a modern gal, but I actually love words like 'secretary', 'stewardess' and 'housewife'. I don't look at them as a setback as much as a throwback. I don't miss working, but I miss the work. I like to file, I like answering phones, I like to type up letters, I like to be of help. After I left, I found out that people used to come by my area just to see what I was wearing. These are the things that I miss, (as well as the people who I still meet for lunch from time to time.) But everything else; the meetings that have nothing to do with me but I'd have to be there anyway, the stolen lunches, the 'going by that mailbox on your way home?' and the taking an hour and a half to get home by bus and train in the rain - I'm only too happy to not have to deal with that. Instead, my days are filled with keeping a tiny person alive, happy, fed and dry while trying to keep on top of things like vacuuming and laundry, and then maybe try to bang out a piece of writing during naptime. And I don't mind.

Ted and I had an agreement when I found out I wasn't going back to my job; if I worked full-time, every cent of what I would make would go into daycare which we could never afford. The solution for now is for me to stay home while he works. I've been trying to find a part-time morning gig, but it's been impossible so far. Anyone that I know right now who has a job is extremely lucky. On the flipside of this beat, I know more people out of work than ever before, but my friends all sound happier than ever before. We're all broke, but there's a lot of joy going around. Not stuck behind jobs they didn't like, friends I know are daring to take chances and try out their passions. The crafty ones are making and baking things to sell while others are trying their hand at freelancing, spreading their talents word-of-mouth or handing out cards with just their names on them. The Portland job scene is dismal, but damn it if Portland isn't the champion of all things grassroots with a 'can do!' Pollyanna pluck. People are becoming their own housewives; men, women, married, single, with and without children. I think it's kind of revolutionary.

As far as Ted goes, he's working harder than he's ever worked in his life doing roughly three to four jobs in his one job, so he never really gets a minute to decompress, but we've worked that out too. We're lucky that we know how to have our separate alone time in the same house and that our daughter is pretty easy going (so far.) We're lucky to have a house.

So what's with the picture? Because while I have friends who are beating this whole bad economy thing by following their passions, mine is to pretend that I'm Catherine Denevue while entertaining an 18 month old all day. The French New Wave cinema music in my brain does wonders to drown out the repeated first few bars of Camptown Races. And I don't mind.

J.

Monica is my Lady Gaga

As you know...all 5 of you who read this blog...we got a request to give an opinion on Lady Gaga from, my guess is, another mom who may be a tad out of it...obviously not as much as me as I REALLY knew nothing about Lady Gaga.

Jordi and I both had a good time poking fun at Lady Gaga. However, a very good friend of ours, a Miss Monica, emailed us saying that we really should not be so quick to make fun.

She pointed out that Lady Gaga was quite the feminist, advocator of gay rights, meticulous producer and laid down a very good beat, even if I didn't like to dance to it. (I am paraphrasing some here, but this is the gist.)

Well, we here at the Pony love and respect the graham crackers out of Monica and while I still am not sure if Lady Gaga is a magical unicorn and while Jordi still might think her videos are bananas and while together, Jordi and I delight in our middle agedness and out of touch with the kids today lifestyle, on our behalf I say "Lady Gaga, because you are good enough for Monica, we may not buy your album but we will have your back in a knife fight with alley way toughs any day of the week."

Love, The Pony Management

P.S. She still ain't no Madonna.

This Is Going to Take Fucking Forever - Lady Gaga review part 2 (Biz)

The above is my favorite line from Jordi's review of Lady Gaga's (whoever that is) video Paparazzi. Like Jordi said, I don't know who Lady Gaga (whoever that is) is. For some reason this surprises people...people who don't know me. I mean the last album I got...and we are talking ALBUM...was at a street fair last summer and it was Kenny Rogers from the 80's.  Sure I have heard the words "Lady Gaga" (whoever that is) but I have also heard the words "magical unicorn" but just like Lady Gaga (whoever that is) I haven't seen it.

So basically I treat Lady Gaga (whoever that is) like a unicorn. When I hear her name mentioned I file it away, not because I believe she exists, but because just in case she does exist I'll be able to recognize her.

"But Biz, um, Lady Gaga is a real person."

Ummm hmmm. Describe her to me.

"She is a singer and she has crazy hair and wears crazy outfits and everybody loves her. I am going to kill myself, she is so cool! She is like a role model for girls everywhere to just do it!"

ummmm hmmmm. Ok. Let's go onto the internet and have a look shall we?

uh, ok...and here is a picture of a unicorn. What else you got?

ummm hmmm. Are you sure that's not Paris Hilton?

ok

I see.

What is Lady Gaga's (whoever that is) deal with pants? Is she allergic to pants? The fact that she never seems to be wearing pants doesn't support the theory that she is real. As a matter of fact, most mythical creatures don't wear pants...Abominable Snowman, no pants. Bigfoot, no pants. Loch Ness Monster, no pants. Unicorn (BAM) no pants.

"GAH! Biz! You are so stupid! She met the Queen!! AND OPRAH!"

blink...blink

What is wrong with this woman? I am starting to believe you that she is real, but I am not sure I feel good about that.

I'll just check out some videos...Poker Face comes up first.

ummm hmmm. I see. Ok. Are we sure this isn't Paris Hilton...possibly crossed with 40 something Barbara Streisand? Kudoos to you for not changing that nose sweetheart. I guess I understand the reasons for the distracting hair styles and the "no pants" strategy. Emphasize other areas. I get it. I did the same thing with weird perscrition eye glasses and a bad perm to distract from my lack of boobies when I was 12. It wasn't a good strategy.

How about Love Games?

Wow...I have no idea what the fuck is happening here. What is this opeing scene...Fight Club meets Wizards meets giant phallic Q-tip? Where are you Kenny? (Oh, you are probably with that new wife who is 3 times younger than you and enjoying all your plastic surgery that makes you look a tad like Paris Hilton as well. As you were.)

OK...one more...Beautiful, Dirty, Rich.

Sigh...I can't even make it through these. I just don't care. It has nothing to do with if she is talented or not...I am not the target audience. All of this comes across to me like "spoiled, rich girl trying to get back at daddy and make herself feel all right with her wealth." (wow...do I feel old and out of touch) But what the hell do I know? I believe the answer is "not much about Lady Gaga (whoever that is)."

I guess she is a unicorn to cast such a magical spell over the world causing the Queen and Oprah to pay attention. I mean how long have I been out of it? 2? 3 years? Who gets that sort of fame that quickly without a horn shooting out of their forehead? Bravo Lady Gaga (whoever that is). I will keep on not knowing who you and other popular sensations are and still manage to sleep through the night, and you go on being allergic to pants.

The question posed to Jordi and I was, "Is she a genius or retarded?"

I am going with a little of column A and a little of column B.  I look forward to when Katy Belle and Evie are old enough to have opinions on music and Jordi and I can say things to them like "That's not music!" or "I remember in my day, Green Day was all the rage" and they will roll their eyes at us and jump in their hover crafts and take off to make out with boys at soda shops in space.

It's going to be awesome.

Love, Biz

For 'Anonymous' Who Requested a Lady Gaga Video Review

"I will rape your eyes and ears."

This is a special request. We actually got a request to do something here on The Pony! This is an exciting day around here. Anonymous asked us to review Lady Gaga videos because they wanted to know if Lady Gaga is retarded or not, and needed an outside opinion.

Maybe we're the perfect candidates for this. I've heard exactly two Lady Gaga songs in my life, but have never seen any of her videos. Biz has never heard of Lady Gaga. This all equals a fresh angle as we have no opinion of her whatsoever. This all changes right now!

Please enjoy my review of one of her songs I haven't heard: Paparazzi. Writing as I'm watching, pausing to only to reflect on what I'm seeing.

The opening exterior shot shows a Beverly Hills mansion on a perfect Southern California day. There are Old Hollywood title cards, so you know this is a movie. Inside, the house looks like the one belonging to The Clampetts on The Beverly Hillbillies. It's very fancy. There's an exterior shot of the pool area and I'm convinced that this is where Crank II: High Voltage was shot. Back inside, it's quiet. We go upstairs where Lady Gaga is making out with the blonde vampire from Tru Blood, but he's probably not a vampire in this because the sun is out and he's not on fire. Money is strewn everywhere and there's a shot of a one hundred dollar bill with Lady Gaga's face on it, which tells me that this video exists in a world where maybe she was President. They are speaking some kind of Scandinavian language to each other, but don't worry. There are subtitles! Shot of a newspaper where she's in the picture and a headline about a scandal. I'm no surgeon, but this picture was probably taken by the Paparazzi.

No start of the song yet. This is going to take fucking forever.

They move outside to dry hump some more. I think they are actually speaking Italian. Lady Gaga looks like Janice from The Muppet Show. She has eyelashes of steel. Someone is taking pictures! *tchka! tchka!* Still black and white shots of their passion. Blonde Vampire notices the clicking of the cameras. He looks into the lens and tries to get Lady Gaga to look into the camera. She doesn't. He paws at her, she breaks a champagne bottle over his head and he shoves her off of the railing.

I haven't looked beyond this, but now I'm thinking it would be neat if she came back as a ghost.

Alright, now there are Paps taking photos of her broken body. The song finally begins and she's in a fancy wheelchair with a broken neck wearing a huge donut hair hat. She's wheeled into the mansion and all of her house staff is singing and dancing around her like in Annie when Annie sings I Think I'm Going To Like It Here. Gaga changes into a C3PO number and gets up on crutches and walks down a length of carpet. I think what she is trying to say is: "You can push me off of a house, but I'm never going to go away!"

At this point, Lady Gaga is already annoying me. It's a mixture of sincere "good for her for being so successful and tenacious" but also "she's not my cup of tea".

There are quick shots of models in homicide scene death poses, which is pretty fascinating. The calling cards of Blonde Vampire, no doubt.

The song itself isn't hooking me. As far as current female driven synth-pop goes, I prefer Ladyhawke.

Now she's on the second chorus doing a dance with backup dancers. I know my dance shit pretty well, and this dance is bad. Bad meaning bad, not bad meaning good. It's just lazy. Put a Ring On It, and make it better. Something! She's trying too hard with the kooky outfits.

I'm trying to get into this, but I'm beginning to think that Lady Gaga is mediocre at best.

Quick shots of Lady Gaga 'looking sexy'. Lady Gaga is not sexy. Is that Marmaduke? What?

Next shot: Lady Gaga sitting on a couch with Blonde Vampire reading the papers. He's wearing an eyepatch. She looks like a Harajuku Mickey Mouse yellow taxi, but she's walking upright so she's obviously cured. Evel Knieval in Viva Knieval! cured a boy of polio, but I don't think that happened here.

She pours him a drink and from her ring (just like in Lily Tomlin's fantasy sequence in 9 to 5) she sprinkles poison into the glass. He drinks it and immediately dies. It's so fake. She smiles, a phone rings, we hear her 911 call saying that she just killed her boyfriend. The song has ended, the cops show up and examine the scene, requisite paparazzi sequence follows, the headlines scream "She's back!" and then it ends with a quick black and white montage of Lady Gaga doing 'sexy' mug shot poses.

SUMMARY: Based on this, the songs Pokerface and Let's Dance and seeing the many pictures of her in the media, I have to give some big thumbs down to Lady Gaga. I have loved Madonna since '83, and saw a gradual power come from Madonna that didn't try to hit you over the head at first. Lady Gaga is desperate for you to 'Look at me!' which doesn't work. Madonna seduced me and had me at first glance with a brilliantly clever coyness. Lady Gaga is trying to rape my eyes. Madonna is also a much, much better dancer with much, much better songs and actual ballet training. Lady Gaga is the girl who gets drunk at the party and forces you to watch her do the Thriller dance and everyone is embarrassed for her. I have to say that I have been that girl.

THE VERDICT: Appreciate the effort, but 'meh'.

J.

A craft in honor of my daughter's Swedish heritage

Hello PPAers!

Guess who is still getting crafty? Me. This is pretty much a straight up project...easy execution and fast finish. Of course, perhaps "fast finish" shouldn't be the goal and nicer end results should be. Nah. I only get random 30 minute chunks of time in the day and sewing is ranked number 3 or 4 in order of priority.

So I have wanted to sew something on a onesie for KB. I know that when "applique-ing" I should get that sticky back material (jealous of my grasp on correct sewing jargon?) but I figure "why? Can't I just sew my little shape on there and that be it?"

The answer is yes! Yes if you want your design to look like a fun house mirror reflection.

"shhhhhhhhh, just look the other way and keep your comments to yourself, Biz seems to be enjoying herself. Let her."

Let's see my craft shall we?

So for my first applique, aka shape sewn on to something, I thought a Dala horse would be super cute! The Dala horse is a big piece of Swedish folk art and Katy Belle is part Swedish so it seemed an obvious choice.

First I printed out a Dala horse from the internet and made a cut out from felt.

Adorable.

Then I fooled around with some of my special stitches on the sewing machine and pinned the horse to the onesie.

Nice impaling of the Dala horse.

Now at this point I am feeling very confident about not having used any sort of sticky back. I'll just sew around the edges on this incredibly stretchy fabric that doesn't maneuver easily around the arm of the machine and....

VOILA!

 Perfect.

cough

Check out the craftsmanship. I mean I REALLY think I am getting better at my stitch alignment.

smoooooooooth.

"shhhhhhh....its best not to say anything. Biz can't get out as much. This is all she has. Just smile and tell her its nice."

You know who loved it?

This girl!

I am swollen with confidence. Next project...a suit for Stefan.

Love, Biz

MAN NOT IMPRESSED WITH SPONTANEOUS CHOREOGRAPHED DANCE AT FOOD COURT

"I've seen better."

St.Petersburg, FL – Some nine-to-fivers feasted their eyes on more than just their lunch last Tuesday at the St. Petersburg Mall. Teens Doing Something!, a youth group oriented toward at-risk teens, spent months rehearsing an elaborate dance number to be performed at the mall to spread the word about friendship, kindness and “doing something”. While most of the lunch crowd got into the spirit by cheering and clapping along to a medley of recognizable pop hits, one who wasn’t too happy about having his lunch interrupted was 54 year-old structural engineer Robert Tsongas. “I look forward to my lunch. I stopped eating lunch in the office because it got too noisy. I come here, I get my Panda Express and try to clear my head before going back in, but this was just uncalled for. I don’t need to see a dancing show when I’m trying to eat. Nobody needs that.”

“That man is exactly who we’re trying to reach.” said 17 year-old Stacey Wilcox, co-choreographer with Bryan Laddish, 18, who added: “Our message is simple; ‘Pay It Forward’. We want to make people smile so much, so that they might want to do the same for someone else. Maybe they won’t create an awesome dance routine, but maybe they’ll think of our dance and help their neighbor take the garbage out or something.” Added Stacey: “Look, we’re not the best dancers and we’re not rich in money, but we’re rich in our hearts. This is what Teens Doing Something! Is all about. We know that you can’t please everyone. It’s just fun. We have fun doing this!”

Tsongas now insists that it wasn’t so much about the interruption of his meal. “I just didn’t think it was that great”, he said noting that his 2 year-old niece is a better dancer, “even when she’s got a bucket on her head and just kind of shakes her arms.”

Mr. Tsongas agreed to watch a tape of the dance with local dance instructor Marie Woods of JazzyKidz Studio. The tape shows typical food court activity and then the music starts. Two teens get up and start dancing to a medley of songs from Grease, The Black Eyed Peas, Elvis Presley’s 'Jailhouse Rock' and The B-52’s 'Love Shack', as they are joined by more dancers. By the time The Bangles’ 'Walk Like and Egyptian' is in full swing, the whole group is bobbing their heads with their arms bent like King Tut, moving in unison for an enthusiastic crowd. “That move is textbook for that song”, Woods informs, “I would have tried to do it differently, but they’re kids. And it looks like they’re having fun.” Added Tsongas: “I don’t know. It’s still not that good. I’ve seen better.”

Your Newly Divorced Uncle Wants You To Know That He's Cool

"Ask me about the Little Wayne"

Another birthday! How about that! You're what, now...twenty three? Oh, Fifteen! Excuse me, miss - that's sure an age. You look so grown up with all that makeup and everything. Fifteen! I like that fancy shirt. You look sparkly! Just like a showgal! Or one of those rap gals! Hot dog! Do you like Fifty Cents?... Me? Good. Doing great! Never been better. Your mom still knows how to fill a pie pan. This pie is exquisite! It's real berries and I can tell the difference. Sheila used to use the canned stuff. Never was a fan of Sheila's pies. She ain't here is she?... Oh good. Phew! I mean...I know she's your aunt and everything, but I think you catch my wave. Listen, is uh...your brother here? Oh. There he is. Well, honey...I'm going to go and refresh my drink, but I'll talk to you in a bit, okay? Don't go getting any fellas arrested! HAHAHAHAHAAA! Okay Brittney. Ciao!... Trent! Trent my man what is up! Woweewah-wee-wah, you're looking good bromance! Are you benching anything? Did you get my birthday check? It's a little lighter than last year because...well, you know...your aunt took me to the cle-heeean-herrrrrs-hahahaha!... Yeah. Yeah, I know. Thank you. Hey! I brought something else for you. Now, it's not wrapped, but I figured since you like the rap music, a fella at the record shop said that these guys are going to be huge... Go ahead!... Do you like it? It's a CD single of "Wipe Out" by The Fat Boys!... Are you sure? You can exchange it. Personally I like the Little Wayne but... It's what now?... Oh! Excuse me! The Li'l Wayne... Oh! Just... Just Li'l? Oh, sure that's what I meant! Sure. My bads. I listen to so many rap music it's bananas! Hey, that's what you do when you get a new Buick Rendezvous. Listen, will you follow me to the drinkie area? I need a shot of courage. I'm sure you know, being twenty one and everything, but... Oh! Excuse me, I meant eighteen! I knew that. Your uncle is screwing with you, Trent! HAHAHAHAAAA! Okay. Where does your mother keep the good stuff?... Oh! Grea! That would be great. I do like Mister Beam... Thank you... Ah! That's the stuff... Hmmm... Trent, I'm really loving this drink and everything, but I was wondering...hoping actually, that you might have something a little...stronger? Maybe some...green postcards from Hawaii? Or Oregon? Or maybe Alaska?... Humboldt County?... Okay, Trent. Okay... Ummm... Okay, do you have any pots and pans? But without the pans?... Heh-heh, never mind... I'm just screwing around. Your uncle is just screwing around! Listen, does Aunt Nancy still come to these things? She's still got that tennis elbow, right?... Oh, I see her! Later son... Guess who! Don't sue! Ha-HAH! Nance! You still feel like a sixteen year old! So your elbow? What's the story?... Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Awwww... Oh, that's too bad, Nance... Uh-huh... Yup... Awww, listen, Nance...does the doc still have you on the pain killers or anything?...

J.

BACK IN ACTION!

So, Hello!

Biz has been my inspiration to find the time to start writing again. It's been more than just a mere long time since I wrote anything. I was thinking (in Biz' pre-Katy Belle days) that I didn't want to just write about my baby, otherwise this bloggityblog would be the place where Biz writes all of the edgy and rad stuff and I write about yam stains. I got spooked that I didn't have anything brilliant square dancing away in my brain with my potential musings about Cheerios and poo. Also, there was a huge time issue. She's wee, but Evangeline is like a zombie. She moved slow, but before I knew it, she'd be right behind me, under foot, tugging and looking for a cord to chew on or a knife to play with. Now she's speedy. Her drunken sailor gait is still present, and she runs as if being chased by the cops - fast. Whenever she sees Computer, she takes her hand and bats at the keys - hard. If I move to a table, she starts hitting my shins - ow. So I give up, and we play. It's pretty fantastic, but this is what has kept me off of here.

Now we're both Mothers. We're both Mothers AND nerds. (I say this with so much love and respect, Elizabeth.) Katy Belle is beyond lucky to have you and Stefan as parents, and I know that Evangeline will learn to read because of the many comic books that adorn our place. I love seeing what Biz' sewing machine will make next and what photo story will happen. I'm just happy to create something with her again. It makes me happy.

So what's happened since we last sat down for a mint julep together?

I could bullet point the deaths of Michael and Farrah and the economy, but I think I'll show you what's really on my mind:



And that important thing is that I made Mr. Bean into an Avatar avatar.

The 'M' in the upper right hand corner means that this fun new thing to do with pictures is brought to you by McDonald's.

So why haven't Mickey D's ("...we've got cola, milk, the purple stuff....HEY! SUNNY D!") come out with this genius tie-in idea that I've been walking around with since three days ago?

And that idea is: The McDonald's Avafishtar-tar Sandwich!

I mean, right?

More to come, and I mean that.
J.

Guess who is back to sleeping through the night?

This girl!

And this girl!

That is Katy Belle's giant mustache. Don't stare.

So as a result of three days of full nights sleep, I finished my 3rd sewing project! Technically, it is 2 projects as the 1st project was a pillow that I suddenly decided was boring and needed something...like an owl.

Now, I don't really "use" patterns. I look at them and think "that pillow pattern is essentially a square. That owl is essentially several shapes cut out and then sewn together. I am sure this is going to turn out just fiiiiiiiiine."

woot. (cough)

Try to control yourself. I know. It's AMAZING!

My theory that cute fabric doth an owl make works for me. Owl eyes aren't "round" and their wings are all different, to the point of being a hinderance to flight. Right?

woot.

(cough)

That is the fabric for the pillow. It goes just fine together.

Did I mention that the pillow was to have a zipper? Pretty much every blog I looked to for advice on sewing zippers implied that zippers were very hard to do. I found that zippers were very easy if you just ignored any directions for sewing zippers and just pinned the damned thing where you wanted it and then sewed it on there.

Actually there was a very helpful blog in which I used up to step 3 and then "winged it".

Sew Mama Sew http://sewmamasew.com/blog2/?p=87

I don't think my sewing of the zipper made it less than perfect in the pillow. I think it is the fact that I have to measure and cut out my fabric on the floor with 2 cats who think fabric is a good time. As a result, my cuts and measurements are slightly less than perfect.

woot.

(this owl shall haunt your dreams)

The outcome?

GIANT PILLOW WITH LESS THAN PERFECT LINES AND SLIGHTLY UNFLATTERING FABRIC PAIRING.

I love it. Watch out Outsider Art markets!

woot.

xoxo, Biz

An early birthday

So last Saturday night, Stefan and I celebrated my birthday early with a nice dinner. The reason for celebrating early is that I was working on my birthday and dinner, work, baby, presents, etc, seemed a bit much. Plus, anything that can extend the life of present and special attention receiving is encouraged.

The point of this post is to show you what Stefan got me and how those gifts reflect who he thinks I am.

Stefan thinks I am a...NERD.

This isn't upsetting as I am a nerd, but once I got through opening the gifts I was like..."I am such a nerd! You really nailed it!"

Take for example my Batman figure. Stefan had noticed that of all my DC action figures, I didn't have a Batman, so he got me a particularly scowley Batman.

Even though the word BATMAN is written across the box, I do not think there is any reason someone wouldn't KNOW this was Batman. It's Batman. There he is. However, the people packaging this Batman really need to make sure you know who is in this Batman box.

Oh yeah sticker? Is it Batman?

Are you sure? I wish there was something else that confirmed it.

Yep, this stand for Batman that says Batman should do it.

Another gift I got was Asterios Polyp, the number one selling graphic novel of the year. (best Ogre voice from Revenge of the Nerds) "Neeeeerrrrds!"

STAR TREK!

I don't think this requires anything more.

And then there was the...

Mac Book. Now this was a really nice gift from Stefan and his parents. I really needed a computer and I think that Mac has been telling me for years that owning Mac is very cool. However, after action figures, graphic novels, Star Trek movies, etc, opening a computer seemed a little poindextery.

I also got a cool belt buckle and Blazing Saddles and I can make the argument about how these also reflect my nerdiness, but they don't play as well in this post's theme and I am only out for a good post at all cost.

So happy birthday to me and my love of all things categorically nerdy to some. I have a wonderful husband who knows me well and I couldn't ask for more.

Moms and porn

This title should get us some action, eh? I believe some people will be disappointed, perhaps all people.

So I was thinking the other night that next to people looking for porn, Moms are probably the next biggest internet searchers.

What was a mother to do before the internet when ever they had the slightest concern about their baby? Get on their horse and ride to the library or worse, ask trusted members of their family or circle of friends? Ha! How good could that advice possibly be? Right? Your family is no Yahoo Answers.

Ummmm...Yahoo Answers may be the scariest place to look for advice about your baby. I am not sure that half the people answering questions on Yahoo answers can pick a baby out of a line up of pineapples, let alone spell pineapple. These are the people who TLC makes bank off of when they crap out a baby that they thought was a bad night at Applebees.

Zing!

Does this stop me from looking up all sorts of things related to Katy Belle? Heck no! I look up everything! From when to introduce solids to sleep patterns to whole fist rather than thumb sucking, I have looked it up. The good news is it has only made me crazier. The even better news is that all moms are crazy in some way. The best news is the baby doesn't care that you are crazy or that the internet even exists. (lucky baby)

Not sure what I am going for here. I am a tad tired. Katy Belle has gone from sleeping through the night since about 2 months to waking up 2 or 3 times a night to feed at 4 months and it has been going on for the WHOLE month. We aren't freaking out anymore, thanks to THE INTERNET, but I am tired. Plus I started back to work part time, and while I am enjoying it, it adds a bit to the tired. All this tired is keeping me from finishing my new pillow project and from reading my latest obsession of "moms who craft" blogs.

I am however trying very hard to keep writing on the blog. I hope my West Coast gal pal and blog sharer Jordi will write a few things as well.

Good Night